Episode 13: Renewed Relationships

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In this section of our series we have been discovering the need to realign our priorities in order to have renewed hope and meaning in our lives. In the final episode of the Section, we will be considering the important area of our relationships. Are we giving our best time to the most important people in our lives? Of course this should be a priority throughout our lives, but during this season of life it is even more critical that we take an inventory of our relationships in order that we may prioritize those who we are running our final leg of the race with.

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Video Script

Episode 13 Intro: Renewed Relationships

Our Relational Priorities

It may seem kind of “cold” to speak about prioritizing who are the most important people in our lives, but the reality is that every one of us only have 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week. None of us have an unlimited emotional and physical capacity to give as much as we want to everyone. Consequently, choices have to be made.

If I was to ask you to make a list of the top 5-10 people in your life, would that be an easy or difficult task? Perhaps I can help you by putting it this way, “Who in your life could you not live without and who in your life could not live without you? This may help narrow it down.

Over a lifetime of busyness we have often neglected the most important people in our lives. Instead we have spent our best time with those who are now no longer in our lives or didn’t really care to have a close relationship with us. If we have not done so up to this point in our lives, as the runway of our life shortens, it is crucial we do this now. As I mentioned, due to limited time and energy choices have to be made. There may be many in our lives who it would be nice to spend time with, but who in all reality will be just fine without us.

I read somewhere that we need to begin to prioritize our relationships according to who will cry at our funeral! Okay that may be an oversimplification as that list for many of us may be quite small. But seriously, at some point when it comes to our relationships we need to distinguish between distractions and opportunities. When we were younger we could afford to take every opportunity that came our way, but as we age we need to be more discerning and realize that some “opportunities” are just distractions from us finishing our race.

Our calling and our priorities are what will determine if a relationship is a distraction or an opportunity. Do you have people in your life that actually distract you from your calling and what you know God still wants you to do in life? Now I know this can sound a bit cold or analytical, but until we get to heaven we do not have unlimited time and energy. Even Jesus when he walked this earth prioritized his relationships. The disciples got more of his time than those he taught and his distracters got even less of his time. So while we want to be open to all those that God bring along our path, it is obviously we cannot be all things to all people.

During this final season of our journey, we typically don’t have the same obligations and roles we had when we were younger and so we have greater freedom to chose what we do and who we do it with. At this stage we will also likely have more time and resources than we had earlier in our life and ministry. This means that we can realign our priorities in relation to God, our spouse, our children/grandchildren, our friendships, finances, health, and our ministry or service to others.

I’ve spent a lifetime encouraging and motivating leaders – well everyone actually – to mentor and invest in others, as this is the guaranteed way to leave a legacy. If you have been doing this over the decades it will now be easier to allow others to take more responsibility. Are we willing to decrease so that others can increase? Now I don’t mean we need to stop doing everything, but merely change our focus. It is never too late to begin to mentor and coach others, particularly as we now may have the time to do so. There is no time expiration limit on mentoring others, we can do this until our very last breath.

As we saw in our last episode, Jesus tells Peter in John 21:18 that regardless of his ambition, a day would come when he would have less control and need to be taken care of by others. Though he had a task to do, one day he would have to deal with the reality that life had shifted and Jesus was preparing him to deal with that new reality. As Peter, we too need to prepare for that day.

Before we continue why not take some time to Study Jesus’ encounter with Peter in John 21. What do you think he is trying to teach him? How is this applicable in your situation?

What relationships are your priorities? Make a list of your network of relationships and prayerfully evaluate if you have the right people prioritized. Are there relationships you will have to let go or at least give less of your time moving forward?

Relational Reconciliation

A lifetime of living will inevitably result in certain relationships that will require extra effort and attention during this season of our life. It is unlikely that we are completely unscathed from relational messiness. That is just the results of misunderstandings and hurts mixed with varied personality and competing values. In Matt. 5:23-24 Jesus tells us to take the initiative to make peace in each of a relationships. He says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

Regardless of who was right or wrong, we can take the initiative to take responsibility for our part of any conflict or disagreement. As we know, relational offences tend to build up over many years. The first step is to communicate and begin listening to each other, without assigning guilt or motives on the other person. Being repentant and taking responsibility for our part of the misunderstanding is the next step. Finally, we then need to ask for forgiveness. (Lk. 17:4)

In this process it is important to provide the offended party with the opportunity to express their hurt, anger and pain. We must then be committed to change. Forgiveness is the only way relationships are healed. In Matthew 6: 14-15 Jesus reminds us that “if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

However, if the hurt is deep and has occurred over a long period of time, it may require perseverance and having the patience to wait for the right time to reconcile. And we have to be honest, full reconciliation is not always possible. Scripture tells us that “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom. 12:18). This seems to indicate that it is not always possible, the sad fact of the matter is that sometimes people don’t want to be reconciled.

As the graph shows on the right side, when forgiveness is offered, the offender has a choice. If they repent then there can be relational reconciliation. However if they do not, then we sometimes have to set boundaries and be content with personal resolution, in other words, we can still move forward without condemnation if we have done our part. Even if they don’t want reconciliation, we can move on with God’s peace and leave the rest with him. We can release ourselves from the bitterness and anger by forgiving them, that is our responsibility. But we are not responsible for their response, this is between them and God. For our part we can move on with a free heart, knowing we carry no anger, resentment or bitterness towards them.

Holding a grudge will only harm us and not them. This explains why it is important to forgive those who have hurt us who may not longer even be alive. We can still make peace with them by forgiving them in our heart. Forgiveness is always possible, however reconciliation depends upon the other person receiving our apology and wanting a relationship. God forgives us and provides us a path to move forward free from guilt and condemnation, regardless of how they respond.

Are there relationships you need to give some attention, either by asking forgiveness or extending forgiveness to others? Have you done your best to live at peace with all people? Are you able to move forward without condemnation in every one of your relationships?

The First Team

As we wrap up this episode on renewing our relationships during this season of life, I would like to make a few comments regarding what I call the First Team, or our marriage relationship. Now I understand that at this point some of us may have already gone through the grief of losing a spouse or may be in a new blended family situation. But I think these principles will apply in various contexts. Again, this is just a few comments and if you want to see our complete marriage teaching, The First Team you can get that at our website or listen to our podcast by the same name.

The stresses of a lifetime of ministry on a marriage should not be underestimated. As I mentioned last time, we were married in 1982, but regardless of how long we have been married, we will have to continue to be intentional in order to have a fulfilling marriage right into our old age. Even if we do not have the ideal situation, it is never too late to improve our marriage. For those who are single again, through the death of a spouse or divorce, God is always the God of second chances and will continue to care for our needs.

While there are many reasons why marriages dissolve, there are ways that we can keep it strong throughout the seasons of life. Some like to focus on the passage in Ephesians 5 of “wives submitting” in marriage. However, verse 21 lays a foundation for the following verses and it says that we are to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This is a mandate for both the wife and the husband (and all of us, including leaders). The relationships in the body are to be completely different than what we see around us. No one is to dominate the other. This is key to a thriving lifelong marriage. I don’t have time to get into this here, but in our First Team material we spend a whole chapter on God’s intentional design for male/female relationships. You might want to look that up.

This season of life can be a challenging one for a marriage as our youthful vow to stay together “in sickness or in health” will likely be tested during this time. We will likely have the opportunity to offer the same grace to our spouse that we require during this latter season of life. As we redefine our life individually and as a couple during this last third of the journey, any unresolved issues are usually magnified. Yet this can also be the best time of the marriage as we are the most comfortable with our spouse. During this season we can reap the reward of all the investment we made in the relationship through the difficult years. This happens as we accept each other for who we are and who we have become by this stage of life.

As both of our lives are changing, we will have to define our new vision of the future together.Without children to raise, and perhaps no longer focused on a career or ministry, what will be our priorities? What will give us meaning as a couple? As this is a time of transition in every other area of our lives, it is also a time of transition in our marriage as we together redefine God’s purpose for us as a couple moving into the final season of life.

As we age, each spouse is typically feeling more vulnerable as they begin to recognize their limitations. As husbands, if we have been too busy with ministry and not taken the time to nurture our wives, this is an opportunity to do this in a more intentional manner. It is never too late to begin to do the right things. Even if our marriage has sustained damage over the years, it can recover. Statistic show that couples tend to be happiest in their marriage in the latter stages of life, as there is usually more time for each other and less distractions.

How is your marriage doing? Take some time with your spouse to discuss the issues raised by this section. Allow each other the time to describe areas of strength and areas of weakness they may feel and strategies to improve the relationship moving forward.

Well we have covered quite a bit of ground in the last five episodes of the Third Section of our series. It was all about renewal – the need for renewed meaning in our lives, renewed hope for the future, renewing our priorities and renewing our spiritual life. Finally, in this episode we have discussed the importance of re-evaluating our priorities when it comes to our relationships. In our final episodes we are going to discuss what success looks like during this season and how to form a new vision so that we can leave a legacy. I am looking forward to sharing these principles with you and hope you’ll be able to join me for the last few episodes.

Episode 12: Renewed Priorities

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Now we want to circle back again to discussing the importance of realigning our priorities. While we may have regularly done this throughout our personal and professional lives, it is during this season that it is so important that we revisit this. Of course with a shortening runway in front of us, the need to do this would seem rather obvious, yet the danger is to put our lives in idle mode at this time. But as we previously have seen, God has a plan and purpose for us even in our older age, if we are willing, he still has a purpose for our lives. But for this to happen we need to re-establish priorities in our lives.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

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Video Script

Episode 12 Intro: Renewed Priorities

The Need for Priorities

Priorities are simply decisions we make ahead of time regarding where we will put our efforts and time. It is likely we have done this throughout our lives and this season of life should be no exception. However, as with other dynamics during this last third of life there are a few potential wrinkles in doing this.

Even Jesus set priorities, didn’t he? He was not just wandering aimlessly along the shores of Galilee seeing what would come along for him to do that day. He always knew what his purpose was and what his Father wanted him to do. Luke records at one point that, “At daybreak, Jesus went out to a solitary place. The people were looking for him and when they came to where he was, they tried to keep him from leaving them.But he said, “I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.”And he kept on preaching in the synagogues of Judea.” (Luke 4:42-44). When others tried to get in the way of his priorities, he always brought the focus back to God’s calling on his life.

Maybe when you were younger you had the capacity to be all things to all people, but even those with great capacity and gifting, usually come to a point in life that they realize that they cannot do it all. In any case, we will all eventually run out of time. This is something we should perhaps come to terms with earlier than later in life for our own health and well being. So by this stage of life we have likely discovered that we cannot do everything we want; our limitations become painfully obvious during this time.

While in the past we could just work harder and longer to get things done, this is usually now not possible. We don’t have the emotional, physical, or mental capacity to pull it off, I know that is hard for some to admit. This is particularly difficult for those high achievers and highly motivated among us. The reality of aging, whenever it hits us, can come as a bit of a rude shock. This is where establishing priorities becomes so important.

As we navigate this season of life we need to readjust our schedule and expectations to fit our capacity and make sure we are putting our time and energies in doing the right things. While when we were younger we could push the envelope, if we try to do that at this stage we will likely just get run down.

It is easy during several decades of ministry to allow the busyness of ministry and all the necessary things we have had to do in our lives to lose what our main focus should be. Again, this does not happen overnight, but is more of a gradual shift. Or perhaps it has been the pressing needs of paying the bills and the obligations of raising a family that have caused our dreams to be sidelined.

But to turn this around, as we enter our final third of life will require a bit of soul searching and, as we saw last episode, spending time with the Lord to see what his plans and purposes are for us in order to fulfill the calling he still has on our lives. In order to regain this, we must slow down and take some time to rediscover who we are in Christ and what our main calling is.

This will help us view all those activities on the edges of our lives that we need to reprioritize and perhaps not give as much time and attention. It will require distinguishing between what is really important and those things that are not as important. Transition times in our lives can motivate us to review where we have been and where we need to be going.

Perhaps you have already done this, but if not, consider the following questions as you re-align your priorities:

Have you come to the point in your life that you recognize the need to realign your priorities? What are your current priorities? Will they need to change in the years ahead?

Peter’s Priorities

After Peter denied Jesus three times, he did what most of us do when life takes a turn we did not see coming. In his remorse and vulnerability he goes back to doing what he knew to do, back on the lake fishing. Yet we find him not being all that successful in doing what he used to do. He had fished all night and caught nothing. But as we know, Jesus had not discarded Peter or forgotten his calling on his life – remember three years earlier he had promised that Peter he would be a fisher of men. I am sure glad that in our lowest moments, God doesn’t discard us or forget the plans and purposes he has for our lives.

So Jesus begins to rebuild the relationship with Peter in a very practical way by helping him get some fish. But his ultimate goal was to restore the relationship so that Peter would remember his calling to be a fisher of men. I wonder how awkward it was as they were sitting together around the fire grilling their fish? They had likely talked during the previous encounters after the resurrection, but I think Peter was still unsure about his future, so much had changed.

Then Jesus asks Peter a question of priority, “Hey Peter, do you love me more than these fish – you know more than your old way of life?” Of course Peter was still Peter and so he was quick to respond, “Of course, Lord you know I love you!” This happens three times and each time Jesus reminds him that his priority is to “feed sheep,” not “catch lake fish.” As we know, Jesus is not only restoring his relationship with Peter, but is reminding him of his life priority. You know this is the same thing he does with us at various intervals in our lives isn’t it?

But then Jesus makes a bit of an odd statement. He says, “Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” (Jn. 21:18). John tells us that the specific context was that Jesus was telling Peter how his life would end. Yet it does indicate a truth that as we age, the fact is that we relinquish more and more control to others…..or we should anyway.

But then Peter pivots and makes his own odd statement. He looks at John and says, “Hey how about him, what’s going to happen to this guy that you really love?” Sometimes the priorities that God has for us are not exactly the ones we were looking for. Jesus makes it pretty clear that we all have our own race to run and he is aware of all the twists and turns in our road and has a plan for each of our lives. That is what is to be our focus, what he wants to do in our lives, not someone else’s.

As we have previously discussed, during this season of life it will become increasingly necessary to allow others to do things that we may have always done ourselves. This is why it is so important to realign our priorities in order to focus on doing those things that we are best at; focusing on our strengths and doing those activities that will enable us to finish our race.

As with all priorities, it will be important that we learn how to say no to even good things. At this stage of life it is important to realize that we cannot do everything. Failing to make this adjustment has the potential to cause us to not finish our race. This may mean limiting what we do and eliminating some activities, appointments, etc. in order to reallocate our time and energy.

Renewed Relationship

As Jesus began with asking Peter if he loved him above everything else, in the same way he comes to us and asks us to rekindle our relationship with him. In spite of life’s twists and turns and even our failures, God is always seeking to renew our relationship with him. As we saw in the last episode, it just requires us to move towards him and experience the warmth of that relationship again.

As Peter, it is at this inflection point that we need to rely on God’s strength and presence to give us new peace and grace to finish the race. Only this daily centeredness will enable us to focus on our core values and priorities. It is during this time that we also need to recommit to serving and sharing life with those who share our values. Like Peter, Jesus asks us if we truly love him and, if so, strengthen others – feed his sheep.

More than at any other season in our life, we will need to limit the amount of time we spend with those that drain life and energy from us. Practically, this may also mean downsizing or eliminating those things in our lives that drain us of our time and energy. (Acts 2:42; Phil. 1:3-5) This could include relationships, but also it is important to also look at material things in our lives that perhaps require so much maintenance and upkeep that they may not be worth the effort. The irony is that at this time of life we may be able to financially afford more than we need or even have the time and energy to maintain.

On a very practical side, to maintain our health during this season, it is important that we intentionally do recreational activities such as a walks with our spouse or taking time to do a hobby. Not just during those special times of the years or on the weekend, but regularly during the work week. In other words, taking the time to pump the brakes on striving to always being productive. While this is important throughout life, during this season it is crucial. Though it may be difficult to shift these priorities, if we have never developed these disciplines during previous seasons in our life.

In addition to reconsidering our priorities in order to adjusting the pace we live our life at, we may also need to evaluate how much time we invest with our digital devices and the “screens” in our life. Okay, I really have the potential to get into trouble now, as I know our devices have become an integral part of our lives. I am not suggesting becoming a hermit and living in the woods somewhere – though I have to admit that does sound rather appealing some days! But perhaps if we limited our media time we would be spiritually and emotionally healthier in the long run.

I am merely suggesting that we may need to take an inventory of our time to see if our devices are taking up too much of our lives. Studies have shown that people check their devices up to a thousand times a day. In order to finish the calling God has on our lives we may have to learn the discipline of shutting the screens off and realigning our priorities so that we can finish the race that God has called us to run.

As we conclude this episode, What practical steps do you need to take in order to realign your priorities? How will this affect your daily schedule? Your weekly schedule? Your activities?

In this Third Section of our series, episodes 9-13, we have been looking at ways to regaining meaning, hope, spirituality in our lives. In this episode we discovered the need to realign our priorities and next time in the final episode of this section we will discuss the importance of renewing our relationships during this season of our lives. As always, I hope you’ll be able to join me for that.

Episode 11: Renewed Spiritual Life

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In our previous episodes we have discussed the importance of re-digging our “wells of Salvation.” We discovered that there is a danger in assuming all our ministry activity means that we have a close relationship with God. In this episode we will dig a bit deeper, to discover in what areas we need to refocus in order to regain and renew our own spiritual life. While we may have walked with the Lord for many decades he is always beckoning us to a deeper walk with him. In order to finish the race he has called us to, it will be crucial that we respond to his invitation to know him better.

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Video Script

Episode 11 Intro: Rediscovering our First Love

Seeing Jesus

This morning I was reading from Oswald Chamber’s classic devotional, based on his book of over 100 years ago, “My Utmost for his Highest.” As is typical, he made a statement that was a bit shocking and as usual thought provoking. He writes, “Being saved and seeing Jesus are not the same thing…once you have seen Jesus, you can never be the same, other things do not appeal as they used to do.”

Which got me thinking, what appeals to me? What appeals to you? Is it doing great things for God, reaching the world, making disciples of all nations….you know all the things most of us have been doing our whole life? I would suggest that at this stage of our life it is important to re-evaluate the status of our relationship with God. I know we are saved and on our way to heaven, but what really appeals to us? Is it to spend time with him? To get to know him on a deeper level and just commune with him? If this is not the case, I wonder why?

At this stage of life it is easy to live off of our past successes, our knowledge and our previous experiences. Over a lifetime we have spent countless hours in the Word developing sermons and teachings and this can lead us to assume that we must be close to God. One of the biggest challenges of serving the Word of God to others is that in all that activity we can forget to feed on the same manna that we are serving to others. We may no longer be applying the truth of God’s Word in our own lives. Of course this is subtle and does not happen overnight, yet over time our first love can slowly slip away (Rev. 2:1-7).

Begins with Humility

It is not about just legalistically going through the rituals of the spiritual disciplines, but rather pursuing him with affection. Of course this begins with spending time in the Word, but we also need to spend time in quiet contemplation and private worship. As stresses and traumas occur as we age, we may discover that we no longer have the daily dependence upon God that we once had early in our lives and ministry. It may be humbling to discover that we do not have the strength in our lives that we thought we had. The pressures of ministry and even the busyness of success can crowd out the very One which we were trying to serve. (1 Jn. 4:9-12)

The first step in re-digging the well of our relationship with God is humility. It begins with repentance for allowing working for God to crowd out relating with God. Depending upon how dry our well is, it may take some time to drink of the fresh water of his Spirit again. Can we say with David, “Lord I love the house where you live, the place where your glory dwells.” (Psa. 26:8) Do I really seek to “dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” (Psa. 27:4) Is one day in his courts better than a thousand elsewhere; Would I really rather be a doorkeeper in the house of God than living large in the tents of the wicked? (Psa. 84:10).

Might be good to pause right here and, Prayerfully consider any areas in which our spiritual life has become dry and we have lost that “first love” relationship with Jesus. Let’s together commit to changing our priorities so that we can re-dig the wells that we need to in our spiritual life.

Seeking Relevance

Like the disciples in the boat with Jesus, the storms of life have a way of exposing what is happening inside of us. If we have been regularly cultivating a relationship with the Lord, our faith in him will overcome our fear of the storms. Usually during this last third of life, it becomes evident if we really know Jesus, as Oswald Chambers wrote, or if we have subtly been substituting good works or ministerial activities for true spirituality. If we have been focussing on ministry to fill us up on the inside, we will eventually find ourselves empty and worn out. Of course the danger of this is that it makes us vulnerable to temptation. (1 Cor. 10:12)

Constantly giving out to others by relying on our past experiences with God and even our knowledge of his Word, rather than the freshness of his Spirit, can also lead us to becoming dry. While we all need the encouragement of others, another danger is to believe that our gifts or calling, rather than God’s power, is what changes lives. Again, re-digging the wells of humility and servant leadership is required to make sure this does not happen. So as we enter this last third of life and some of the busyness of life fades a bit, we will discover what has really been driving us and what has been the foundation of our life and ministry.

If we are not secure in our relationship with the Lord, we may be tempted to try to prove our continued relevance by exercising our position or spiritual authority – to do whatever we need to do for others to continue to listen to us. This can create enormous pressure as we try to reconcile our outward reality with what we know is our real inward spiritual condition. Unfortunately, this disconnect often is manifested in temptations such as immorality, pride, abuse of power, and even a lack of sensitively to the truth. (Heb. 2:18)

As we come to this stage of life we need to re-dig our wells of spirituality. This is a private personal matter between us and God. But I would suggest that without the discipline of engaging in this process it will be impossible for us to fulfill our calling or to finish our race. The good news is that God’s promise is that if we are humble and admit our weakness he has promised to meet us and give us his grace and strength.

Perhaps it might be helpful at this point to consider:

How are you responding to the feeling of losing relevance and significance in ministry or generally in life? How about recommitting to an attitude of humility, not relying on power and position to maintain your place in the Body.

What steps do you need to take in order to stay humble and keep your spiritual life fresh. Do a study of relevant Scriptures that God makes real to you.

Rediscovering Spiritual Disciplines

Now at this point there is a danger that I will lose you as I bring up the “D” word again. Of course I am referring to spiritual disciplines. I wish I could report that developing a love relationship with God is sunshine and roses and a skip through the park. But as we all know, the push back from our basic fallen nature and the daily challenge of allowing Christ to be formed in us does not happen without effort. Now this does not mean that we can become like Jesus in our own strength, we know that it is only by his spirit working in us that this is possible.

But to say that we have no part in it, would also not be totally accurate. Our salvation is completely by his grace, it is a work of God towards us. However, it requires us putting on this new man as Paul taught in Colossians. We are partners with God in this sanctification process. We don’t have the time here to do a deep study on this, but if you would like to do a deeper dive you could look at the appropriate chapters in our “Intentional Relationships” series, either the Discipling thru Intentional Relationships Guide or the Mentoring thru Intentional Relationships Guide.

No matter how long we have walked with the Lord or how long we have been in ministry we are not immune to spiritual battles. What nobody seems to tell you, is that at this latter stage of life these battles can be even more intense than when we were younger. Which is why it is so important to “put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground….standing firm then with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Eph 6:10-20.

In some ways, we are more vulnerable and susceptible to battles than we were in our younger years. This is why it is critical to maintain our spiritual health. To finish our race we have to strengthen our spiritual disciplines during the last stage of our lives. This brings us back to the “D” word. I guess it should be no surprise that a love relationship with Jesus takes discipline and effort, for we see the same in our human relationships don’t we?

My wife and I were married in 1982, so I’ll let you do the math on that…..but we have discovered that it takes many non-romantic practical disciplines to have a loving romantic relationship that will last over the long haul. We have to do the very practical activities of continuing to make time for each other and choosing to align our interests and common direction in life. Of course this includes flowers, chocolates and romantic times, but that isn’t the foundation of the relationship. If you have been married for any length of time or even if you have a close friend, I am sure you can identify that a good relationship is based on daily decisions to prioritize the relationship, not just good feelings.

In my experience, my relationship with Jesus is not much different. In our relationship with him, spiritual disciplines are the equivalent of walking along the beach, talking out issues, serving the other person’s needs. If you have been a believer for any length of time, these activities will not be a surprise. It requires prioritizing spending time in the Word, talking with God in prayer and worshiping him. As in our human relationships, these practical things can seem boring in themselves, but they are the very activities that foster the relationship and create the conditions for it to grow. Being prepared to “fight the good fight” as we finish our race requires making these disciplines a part of our life. Let me just make a few comments on a few of these.

Word

It is essential that we not only study the Word for others or even for personal knowledge, but rather to meditate on it to receive a greater revelation of Jesus. (Psa. 19:7-11). As in all relationships, creativity is important, that is why I include reading other devotional books or reading various translations. Rather than focusing on quantity, it is helpful to take time to write out the scripture, meditate on smaller passages, memorize Scripture and so on.

Prayer

Over the years I have noticed that I do much less talking and more listening when it comes to prayer. The problem with this is that it takes extended time and cannot be rushed. (Rom. 8:26-27) Much of this is due to me needing to get on God’s wavelength and that takes time. God reveals himself to those who seek him, not those who just casually check in with him. (Eph. 6:18) Creatively is also helpful in our communication with God. It does not always have to happen at that one set time every day in one place, but I find myself having short conversations with the Lord throughout the day. Maybe on a walk, on a hike or kayaking. Bringing him into my daily life. (1 Thess. 5:17)

Worship

While most of us engage in praise and worship in a weekly church service, this is something we often neglect in private. Again, my experiences is that a commitment to personal, private worship is essential in maintaining a personal vibrant relationship with God. Again, creativity will keep this discipline fresh. You may not be a singer, but finding the type of music that connects us with God and then being in a constant state of worship throughout the day will help us with our attitudes, outlook on life, and spiritual growth.

Relationships

There are many disciplines we could discuss, but as we wrap us this episode, I would also like to suggest one more discipline. In order to finish our race I think it is essential that we seek out and cultivate personal accountable relationships with a few other trusted individuals. Being vulnerable and honest with a few others is a necessary step to grow with God. The danger for some, at this stage of life, is to become more and more isolated. This does not mean we have to become a social butterfly – unless of course that is our thing – but to finish this race well and not stumble into the ditch along the way, we need to have like minded people running the race with us.

Well this has been a bit of a heavy and personal episode hasn’t it? As the quote from Oswald Chambers at the beginning of the episode, do we really “see” Jesus or are we content with just making it to heaven. But really seeing him and knowing him changes us and we are never the same. As we journey through this last stage of life we’ll discover that temporal things hold less appeal to us as they once did. As the hymn says, “The things of earth do grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” This is not escapism or some form of being “so heavenly minded that we are of no earthy good,” but it does mean it’s probably not a bad idea to begin to prepare ourselves for where we will be spending a lot of time in the future – like forever – spending time with Jesus, the one we not only served in this life, but also developed a close personal relationship with.

I hope this is your experience. Wherever you are at, I hope this series will help you deepen your walk with him so that you may finish the calling God has on your life. Join me next time as we discuss the need to renew our priorities in order to achieve this goal.

Episode 10: Renewed Hope

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In our last episode we were discussing the importance of having a reason to exist or a meaning in our lives. This is particularly important in our latter years or life can go downhill pretty fast. Without significant meaning in our lives it will be virtually impossible to have hope for the future. Meaning and hope are inseparable as we enter this latter stage of life. One feeds on the other. We will look at four different biblical vantage points that can give renewed meaning in our lives and how this will produce hope as we look to finish the calling that God has on our lives.

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Episode 10 Intro: Hope from Meaning

Four Key Truths

As we discussed in our last episode, we were created to live from a place of meaning. This requires us knowing why God created us. Without this, life, and even ministry, can become quite meaningless. The reality is that often after years of raising a family, growing a ministry and the general busyness of life, we can lose sight of what life’s true meaning is. We become human doers rather than human beings.

As we turn the corner to run the last segment of our race, we may discover that we have been busy and running hard, but without focus and direction. This can lead us to disillusionment and lack of hope as we look at our final years of life and ministry. But it is possible to rediscover meaning even at this latter stage of our lives. We never get to a point in our lives that we do not need a sense of meaning.

To help us rediscover meaning in our lives I would like to take a few moments and look at four key truths from which we can re-orientate our lives. These have been called the Two Commissions and Two Commandments.

1. Jesus proclaimed the Great Commission in Matt. 28:18-20, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit…” This is likely the core of what we have been engaged with throughout our ministry as we have been discipling others in the faith and helping them to grow. This is all about building his Kingdom and as we saw last time something we never really retire from, though our role may shift and adapt as we age.

2. But there is also a Cultural Commission. In Gen. 1:28 we were commanded to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” This is our calling to make the world a better place. Though we are not called to make this physical world God’s Kingdom on earth, he’ll do a better job of that by himself. But we are called to live our lives so that others will see a glimpse of what his heavenly Kingdom is really like. Even in Babylon, the exiles were to build lives that would bless the ungodly around them. As we read in Jer. 29, they were to build houses, plant gardens and marry off their children, even while in exile. The purpose was to bless the very nation that held them in captivity.

3. So those are the Two Commissions. But in Scripture we have also been given two overarching Commandments. The first of these is the New Commandment to love each other. In John 13:34-35 Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” This indicates that we should not be known by the size of our ministry or other accomplishments, but rather the depth of our love for each other. This should be the only debt we owe each other (Rom. 13:8-10). Have our lives been displaying this or do we need to reprioritize and focus more on loving others in our lives rather than just doing “mighty” works for God?

4. Finally, there is the Great Commandment that Jesus first gave to the expert of the law, Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Matt. 22:36-40). The greatest meaning in life comes from fulfilling this commandment; to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and body, the totality of our being. Through every season of life, loving God is the only constant in our lives that gives us meaning (Gal. 5:6; Eph. 3:17-19).

It is an irony of life that we can be so busy giving to others and pointing them to God and yet not actively pursued God for ourselves. The occupational hazard of ministry is to have substituted being in “love with God” for merely “working for God.” During this season of our lives it is not too late to re-dig these wells and spend more time with the Lord and pursue him.

The Great Commission of “making disciples” should actually only flow out of the Great Commandant of loving God with all of our heart, not the other way around. We don’t serve others as a substitute to get God’s love. And making this world a better place as described by the Cultural Commission — being fruitful and managing the earth — should only flow from the priority of the New Commandment of loving people. Without this orientation our lives get out of balance by doing things for God rather than loving God and serving the planet rather than serving people.

Before we see how meaning translates to hope let’s consider a few questions:

What is truly important for you? What are your priorities? Is a personal relationship with God something that is top priority and that you are taking time to pursue?

Do we really love those who are closest to us in our lives (New Commandment): “being before doing.” Do you need to reorganize your priorities in order to finish the race with these four commandments in proper balance?

The Need for Hope

As we discussed in previous episodes, the various storms and trials of life, can cause us to lose our hope for the future. This can be particularly challenging as we age. We can even question if God still has a purpose for us. While faith is essential in our spiritual life and ministry, without hope faith is impossible. Actually, without hope in the future we have no reason to exercise our faith.

Paul prays in Romans 15:13, that “the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,” He is the one who gives us meaning and he is the ultimate source of our hope. He is the “God of hope” in every situation and in every stage of life. We may find that challenges in our lives that may not have concerned us much before, may now affect us more. For some, this lack of hope comes unexpectedly and for others it is a growing reality that attacks our soul during our latter years.

Hope is a confidence of a better future which is based in who God is. Having hope does not guarantee we will not have trouble in life, but it produces a confidence that God will be with us. And where he is, there can be no fear. If we are struggling with a lack of hope it is likely that we have lost sight of God’s purpose in our lives. We still may be confident in our eternal home and reward, but we can no longer see his purpose for us in this life.

Fear Not

So often this lack of confidence in the future creates fear in our hearts –perhaps even a fear of the unknown of what will happen in this stage of life. Interestingly, “fear not” is the most frequent command repeated in the Bible. Those who apparently have time on their hands have counted it up and say that some form or “fear not” is mentioned 366 times in Scripture. The Bible records over 200 biblical characters we were fearful, so obviously this command was necessary. The term “afraid” occurs 200x and the term “fear” over 400x. The obvious point is that you are not alone if you are dealing with fear. We have all been there.

Jesus teaches us to turn our attention to the birds and the flowers, to see how God looks after them. How much more will be look after us (Matt. 6:31-32) as we are worth much more than mere sparrows. Back to my go-to verse from Philippians, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Phil. 4:6-7). Peter follows up with, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Pet. 5:7)

As Hebrews 11:1 teaches, the cure for fear is faith, which is a trust in God’s character and who he is. We grow our faith and gain God’s perspective by spending time with him and maintaining our spiritual life. Driving out fear only occurs as we increase our depth of personal knowledge of God and shift our focus from the uncertainties of the future, to God’s plan for our lives and our eternal hope. “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” (Rom. 10:17)

Even when we are in boat with Jesus, if we focus on the wind and waves, fear will be inevitable. I don’t know any other way to not be paralyzed with fear than by switching my focus to Christ. In the storm this is not always easy. Sometimes it requires a dogged determination to spend time in his Word until who he is becomes a revelation to us. Each of us have a weakness in some area that leads to fear. We need to identify this, and then apply God’s truth from his Word to that situation. As Hebrews 4:3 promises, we can then enter into his rest. We don’t strive to enter this peace, but rather receive his peace as we rest in who he is.

Before we continue consider the following:

If you have dealt with fear and a lack of hope in your future take some time to study these Scriptures to gain a new perspective on God’s plan for your life.

Paul’s Experience

Much of the book of Acts focuses on Paul’s desire to get to Rome. Through his various incarcerations and eventual appeal to Caesar, he finds himself on a ship heading to Rome. He felt his God given purpose was to preach the Gospel to the household of Caesar. Yet in spite of being in God’s will, he encounters a shipwreck, a snake bite, holing up on an island for the winter and various other obstacles along the way. While I am sure none of this was a shock for Paul, trouble seemed to follow him, yet this was now happening during the latter stage of his life.

He eventually arrives in Rome, his lifelong dream. But as far as we know, he spent most of his time under house arrest and the record is not even clear as to if he ever had an audience with Caesar. In some ways when you read the narrative, it seems kind of like a rather anticlimactic ending. We know from the names listed in other passages that some of Caesar’s household had became believers, but it was likely not the way he anticipated it would happen. The most likely scenario was that he continued to share the Good News with the guards who were chained to him daily. (Acts 27:1-28:31)

Yet doesn’t this seem to reflect the realities in our lives? God has a purpose that gives meaning to our lives, but the journey is often quite different than the one we may have expected. As with Joseph’s life things seem to turn out quite different than those early dreams and ideas we may have had. But as we remain faithful, like Paul, God directs our paths and continues to give us meaning and purpose. It is this very meaning that helps us to not give in to fear, but continue to have hope in the future and his plans in our lives.

As we conclude this episode why not,

Take some time to review Paul’s story of getting to Rome (Acts 21-28). What lessons do you learn that can help you in your own life journey.

Well meaning and hope are two inseparable qualities we need in order to finish our race. I hope the last couple episodes have been an encouragement to you as you consider any renewal you may need in these areas during this latter season of your life. In our next episode we want to look at the importance of rediscovering our spiritual life and our first love. In our desire to remain relevant we will discover that our connection with Jesus is vital. Hope you’ll join me again then.

Episode 9: Renewed Meaning

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What is the one basic need we all have as humans? We might think of water, food, relationships, which are all important of course. But studies have shown that a fundamental need we all have at every stage of life is the need for meaning. In one way or another we all search to make sense of our lives. Knowing why we exists makes everything else in life make sense. The opposite is true, without a sense of meaning and purpose life doesn’t make sense and doesn’t seem worth living. So in this episode we want to discuss how we rediscover meaning during the latter stages of life.

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Episode 9 Intro: The Basic Human Need

The Need for Meaning

Well in our journey together we have already covered some important areas of finishing our race. If you recall, in the first three episodes we looked at an overview of the stages of life and then in the last five episodes we discussed some of the barriers or obstacles that can trip us up and hinder us from finishing the calling that God has on our lives. If you have not had the chance to listen to these, it might be helpful to do that before we continue.

We are now at the top of page 33 in our workbook. In this third Section, we want to focus on some of the basic needs we all have as we run the last lap of our lives on this earth. We’ll discuss issues such as hope, our spiritual life, our priorities and our relationships. But in this episode we will begin with the fundamental need we have for meaning.

Viktor Frankl was a Jewish psychologist before the Second World War and became a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps. In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” he tried to objectively reflect on his experiences in the camps from a professional perspective. This led him to several conclusions regarding how having meaning in our lives is directly connected to our will to live – even in the most extreme of conditions. While his conclusions came from the crucible of the death camps, there are applicable in each of our lives.

His main conclusion was that our search for meaning is the primary motivation of our lives. Once we know WHY we are living, then it is possible to endure the HOW of our living. Regardless of how hopeless our daily life may seem, if we can find some sort of meaning, it becomes bearable. Those that actually survived the death camps were those who knew there was something waiting for them to fulfill on the outside. This may have been something real awaiting them or it may have just been something they had contrived that they would do AFTER they got out.

In his case, when he arrived the guards had taken a manuscript he had been working on. Over the next years, he rewrote this manuscript in his head, with the purpose of finishing it when he survived the death camps. This meaning kept him alive on many death marches, where others who had nothing to live for quickly succumbed to death. He noticed this principle working even if the hope that someone had for the future was somewhat unrealistic or only loosely based in reality.

Healthy Stress and Tension

Having some sort of ideal of a potential future is what enabled prisoners live through the harshest of conditions and it also gave meaning to those who made the choice to die for their ideals. I also found his thoughts on mental health interesting. He states that mental health is based upon the tension between what we have achieved and what we have yet to achieve. Mental health is not the result of eliminating all stress or tension. Not having the tension of future achievements or goals is actually detrimental to our mental health.

In other words, trying to eliminate all tension and stress in life does not necessarily result in mental health and is actually rather unrealistic. The struggle to achieve a worthwhile goal, which is freely chosen by the individual is what makes us healthy. Health is not necessarily a result of lack of pressure or stress. Of course the key is that it is a goal that is freely chosen and not something forced upon us. As a believer this can be described as our response to God’s call and purpose on our life. This is what gives meaning to our lives. As he saw in the camps, meaning had very little to do with a person’s current circumstances. It had much more to do with something on the inside, the narrative that they told themselves.

Again, this narrative has real power as it is rooted in our understanding of God’s plan for our lives. This is why boredom and lack of purpose, particularly as we age, leads to problems such as a lack of mental and spiritual health, which can even lead to a deterioration of our physical health. We need a purpose even during the latter stages of our lives, which – as Frankl puts it – require s a certain tension between where we are at and having a task or calling yet to fulfill.

Before we continue perhaps it would be helpful to reflect upon our own lives.

Do you have a specific (not general) meaning to your life, a reason to finish your race? What do you live for? What is your purpose?

Meaning Discovered in Calling

As followers of Jesus, we understand that this true meaning of life is discovered from God and his calling in our lives, it’s not just about our own self-actualization, or fulfilling our own dreams. It is not really about “self” at all. In reality, our needs are met only as we seek His Kingdom first and follow him. As Jesus taught in Matthew 6 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matt. 6:33) “In him we live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)

Even in the latter stages of Paul’s life journey, we see his sense of purpose, “And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there.I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:22-24

Though it may not seem to be on a grand biblical stage as the Apostle, or as dramatic as living in the death camps, we all do need some kind of meaning to give purpose to our lives. Of course as we age this may adapt and change, but if we get to the point that life has no meaning than we will not see any point in living. I remember listening to my father, who was in his nineties at the time, describe the meaning he got from going to the nursing home and helping transport, what he called “older people” in their wheelchairs. Helping them provided meaning for his life. We all need some sort of meaning.

As I mentioned previously, our lives can also have meaning in the face of suffering. As we change our attitude towards our own suffering, like Joseph, even the events in life that did not go as we thought they would or should can have meaning. Paul understood this and wrote in Romans that if we share in His suffering we also will share in his glory and that his present sufferings were nothing compared to the glory that will one day be revealed (Rom. 8:17-18). After all nothing can separate us from God’s love (Rom. 8:31-39).

Paul even takes it one step further in 2 Cor. 12 when he says, “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:10). As I admitted in a previous episode, I am not sure I am at Paul’s level yet where I can say I “delight” in hardships and difficulties, but I have lived long enough to gain perspective on the events of life, even the bad ones, to see how God was working in the background all along. Before I could see what he was doing, he was working through my weakness. This perspective is what gives us real meaning in our lives and hope for the future.

While we do not need suffering to have meaning in life, meaning is possible in spite of suffering. It seems God allows this in order to test us and prove our calling. Our approach to challenges will shape the meaning we have in our lives.

A Divine Perspective

Actually, I don’t know how people who do not have this divine eternal perspective have meaning in their lives. Without the Lord, the inconsistencies and inexplicable circumstances of life would leave me disillusioned and without hope. Yet as long as we have a meaning and purpose in life we will be able and willing to endure suffering. Without this, however, struggles will have no meaning and people usually will give up the desire to live. This was Frankl’s experience from the concentration camps.

While meaning in life is more than what we do, studies have shown how being unemployed for lengths of time can cause someone to lose the meaning of their life and have nothing to live for. Being jobless is equated with being useless and uselessness as having no meaning in life. This is likely why the rather recent phenomena of retirement from all work – about the last 100 years or so in the West –is so detrimental to many who turn 65. While we may take advantage of a pension to begin to be engaged in other forms of service, to just do nothing has proven to be rather unhealthy in the long run.

Os Guinness has written that we “can never retire from calling. We get our value by having responsibility. We need to keep a connection between what we do before and after we retire. A career is what we are paid to do and a calling is what we were made to do.” Your career may not be totally transferable, but as a believer we have a calling to use our gifts and abilities to be of Kingdom service well into our 70s and 80s.

Even those who have been serving others in ministry their whole lives, who then quit all such meaningful activity at a predetermined age, usually don’t finish the race well. This often leads to a lack of meaning and purpose, depression and other illnesses. Though our level of involvement and our role in ministry may change, it is important for us to find ways to give to others, to serve them with our gifts regardless of our age.

Is Retirement Biblical?

Retirement is only mentioned once in the Scripture. In Numbers 8:24-26 the Levites who served in the temple were to retire at fifty years of age, but not retire to do nothing, rather to continue to be engaged in training others more like a coach or mentor to the younger priests. Like them, our role and scope may change, but we all need meaning in life until our last breath.

Achieving personal meaning only occurs as we give ourselves to others or to a cause bigger than ourselves, what we could call our calling. This is why it is important to not give up too early. Many things have been done throughout history by those in their older age. Kentucky Fried Chicken was not even invented until Colonel Sanders was 67! We may have to adjust what we do and the pace we do it, but we don’t have to stop serving God and others with our gifts and abilities. (1 Peter 4:11; Gal. 6:10)

The danger is to lose our sense of importance and value as we age. This is particularly likely in societies that increasingly value youth over their elders. This is why many in their latter years find their joy and meaning in life waning. They cease to have value in their society and community. But God has promised to give us purpose and strength for as many days as he has appointed for us. The Psalmist writes of the righteous that “they will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.” (Psa. 92:12-14). Of course, this is for those who remain planted in Him and connected to his purposes in their lives.

Isaiah writes, “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (Isa 46:4) The grayer I get the more I am liking this verse! God still has a plan and purpose for me and for you. He wants to continue to give meaning to our lives as long as he gives us breath. My prayer, like that of the Psalmist’s is that, “Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come. “ (Psa. 71:18) The fact is that God often saves the best for last.

As we conclude this episode let’s take some time to consider:

Have you lost the real meaning of why you exist? Have you been tempted to stop too soon? Why not spend some time considering how God could use your lifetime of experience, your gift and abilities to serve others.

Well I was hoping to have time this episode to look at two key Commissions and two key Commandments from Scripture that can help focus our energies in the final third of our productive lives, but unfortunately time got away from us. So next time we will begin by discussing these as well as then considering how we can regain renewed hope in our lives. I am looking forward to it and hope you’ll join me.

Episode 8: Dark Night of the Soul

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At this stage of life it is likely that you have had to say goodbye to friends and family members, and attending more than your fair share of memorials and funerals. You may have even had to bear the grief of burying children or a spouse. While we may not grieve as those who have no hope, we still do need to grieve. As we age, the reality is that we will experience these losses with greater frequency. This makes us consider our own mortality as we see many of our peers leaving us to finish our race on our own. Now for us, death has lost its sting and we know there will be a final reunion, but we still have to learn to navigate the reality of loss during this season of life.

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Episode 8 Intro: Losses of Life

Deep Loss

Suffering loss is inevitable during the last third of our lives. While we have all likely experienced some death and loss when we were younger, it seems to be more sobering when those dying around us are our age and younger. Instead of just laying older Grandpas and Grandmas to rest, the people at memorials are our age and those we have typically shared life with.

In order to move forward, it is so important that we go through the grieving process. While everyone does this in a slightly different way, everyone who has suffered deep loss needs to go through the stages of denial, anger, asking the why questions, but then eventually coming to an acceptance of our new reality without that person in our lives. The alternative to this healthy process is to just drown our sorrows with busyness or some other substitute. But we need to find those we can confide in and free ourselves from some daily responsibilities for a time, so that we can go through the grieving process.

Of course, we do not need to fear this transition to our new home, for as we face death we know that death has been defeated by Jesus (Heb. 2:14-15; 1 Cor. 15:54-57). We have the promise that, “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Rom. 8:38-39).

Paul dealt with this same reality and came to this conclusion, “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Phil. 1:20-21) As long as he give us breath he has a purpose for us and then one day he will wipe every tear from our eyes (Rev. 21:4) and so we do not need to fear (Psa. 46:1-3), but rather look forward to a day when there will be no more sorrow, worry or pain.

As you reflect on your own situation:

If you have experience such a deep loss have you taken the time to go through the grieving process? Evaluate if you have become “stuck” from a previous grief that was never processed.

Irresolvable Pain and Sorrow

In the book of Romans, Paul admits “I have great sorrow and unceasingly anguish in my heart,” (Rom. 9:2). He was reflecting on those he was called to serve, but for many reasons we can experience deep irresolvable pain that never seems to go away. This could be due to being misunderstood for doing the right thing, having relationships that cannot be reconciled, or perhaps a lack of future opportunity due to acting according to our principles and values.

The list could also include the pain of a wayward adult child, ongoing health issues with us or someone close to us. Over time, these stresses can cloud our own joy and peace and even affect our calling. These sorrows cannot just be prayed away for they are typically a pain that continue to linger for years. Solomon knew this level of pain, he says, “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief. (Prov. 14:13; 15:13)

But Paul understood that this pain and suffering can have an eternal purpose. Actually without this perspective, it seems meaningless and just cruel and unusual punishment (Rom 8:18-27). During this season of life, pain can serve to help us develop a deeper relationship with God. Instead of trying to find purpose in activities just to keep busy or drown our sorrows – which by the way can include ministry activities – we can use the pain can lead us to pursuing God in a deeper way. We can learn to replace ambition (even ambition for doing things for God), with the desire to know God. Pain and sorrow is great teacher of this truth (1 Pet. 4:1-2).

Paul: A Case Study

Arguably the greatest early church leader, Paul, had a painful experience that would not go away. We read about this in 2 Cor. 12:7-9. Paul pleaded three times to the Lord to take away this “thorn in his flesh,” but eventually God said that he was not going to take it away, but instead would give grace to Paul to live with it. Not sure if you have something like this in your life, but I can identify with Paul in having in accept certain painful realities that are not going anyway any time soon. As Paul, I have needed God’s grace to accept these as a gift from God to make me more like Jesus.

Paul had a pretty high pain tolerance and so it seems this “thorn” was no small thing. We too may have certain problems that don’t go away, even after years of prayer. As Paul, we can learn that God’s grace will be sufficient. The greatest lesson we can learn from these times is humility (Rom. 12:3; James 4:10). Our gifting, or ministry strengths, are the very things that can lead us to pride and self-sufficiency. Over a lifetime of doing ministry it is easy to think we can do it in our own power or at least rely on our skills, gifting and experience. But like Paul, this “thorn” is a gift from God to keep us humble and tethered to God.

Once we realize this, we can, like Paul, delight in our weakness. It serves to remind us that when we are weak we are strong in Him (1 Cor. 1:27). Pain that does not go away can be used by God to show his power to others through our broken lives. As Paul wrote, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10) I can’t say I am totally there yet, with Paul, but God is still working on me and this remains my goal.

God’s ultimate plan is to make us into the image of his Son. Then our lives will benefit others and bring glory to God, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

So how about you,

Is there something that you have prayed God would take away? Meditate on these scriptures and others in order to gain God’s perspective on your situation.

Do you have certain strengths that could lead you to pride and self-reliance? Can you see how your pain can keep you humble and close to God?

The Dark Night of the Soul

While the natural rhythm of life is full of ups and downs, good times and not so great times, every once in a while we may go through a valley so deep we are not sure we will ever get back up above the clouds. We may not be burned out or experienced a moral failure, and our relationship with God and others may be healthy. If this is the case, it is likely that what we are experiencing is a good old fashion test of our faith. God purpose in this season is to prepare us to fulfill our calling and faithfully finishing the race he has set out for us.

David in the twenty third Psalm writes, “. . .though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death . ..” We have likely experienced several valleys during our lives, but during our latter season of life such an experience may catch us by surprise as we think we have learned enough lesson already. In Luke 22:31-32 Jesus tells Peter that Satan had asked to “sift him as wheat.” This sounds a bit like what happened to Job in the Old Testament doesn’t it when the enemy asked to touch Job’s idyllic life. In both cases, notice that God gave the go ahead, he never said no. Instead, he promised Peter that he would pray for his faith to be strong, with the eventual goal of him being able to then strength others.

We may have to go through these dark nights of the soul, but Jesus promised to be with us and actual be an advocate for us. Just like the disciples in the boat, he is with us and promises to take us to the other side. It is important to remember that disruption and testing is not the same as destruction. God is not wanting to destroy us, but to continue his work of making us more like him. As we turn to him during this time and return to the disciplines of our first love he will in time restore us and we will come through the other side able to better empathize and serve others.

As we conclude these episodes on the challenges that may face us, how about you:

Have you, or are you, experiencing a dark night of the soul? How would you explain to someone else what you are going through?

Study Luke 22:31-32 and how this applies to your situation? Meditate on the fact that Jesus is praying for you so that your faith will not fail and that you will be able to help many others through this experience.

Embracing Suffering

Perhaps as we close this episode and turn the corner in our discussion towards how to rebuild our vision and passion, I could make a few comments on suffering. If you have hung with me over the last few episodes, you are probably a gluten for punishment or at least are not scared away by some difficult topics. It is clear from Scripture that in this world we will have troubles and suffer (1 Pet. 4:12; John 16:33).

But suffering does not mean we are out of God’s will, rather that we have an enemy who is seeking to hinder us from finishing our race. Many Scriptures indicate that we will go through periods of suffering for our faith and the sake of the Gospel (Phil 1:29; 1 Pet 2:21; Acts 14:22; James 1:2). Yet we receive comfort and experience God in a special way during suffering. He shapes our character and even keeps us from greater disaster, something we usually only appreciate years later. During suffering he also corrects our wrong thinking, he lead us to repentance, he develops humility and compassion in us, and makes us more like Jesus.

Discipline is not something we look forward to, but it is God’s way to mold us into who he wants us to be. (1 Pet. 1:6-7) It is often painful and disruptive, yet works the peaceable fruit of righteousness. Pain causes growth if we view it from the right perspective. This process does not end just because we are older. Until God takes us to be with him, he will continue to provide opportunities for us to grow. His goal is that we will faithfully finish the race he has given us. But we must choose to embrace this process even as we age. We need to come to terms with our suffering and accept it as a blessing from God. (Rom. 8:28).

As you finish your race what areas of suffering do you need to learn to embrace?

In the last few episodes we have discussed various obstacles and challenges that face us during life and particularly issues we deal with in our final third of our lives. You probably didn’t identify with all of them, but hopefully some of my comments were helpful in assisting you as you move forward to finish your race well.

In the next few episodes we are going to discover some of the principles and values necessary to do this. I don’t intent to reinvent the wheel here, but I think you will find these reminders helpful as you apply them to your own life. We will look at them within the context of the latter season of our lives and ministry. I am looking forward to continuing our discussion together and hope you’ll be able to join me again.

Episode 7: Tragedy and Loss

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Tragedy are those events in life that are unexpected that we had no control over. As we navigate this final third of our lives we also have to reconcile the tragedies of our lives and realize that God has been in control all along. Without this perspective, we will only be left with despair which will lead to more destructive depression. In this episode we will discover that our tragedies may very well be designed by God to prepare us for the purposes he still has in our lives. This change of perspective has the potential to make a dramatic shift in our view of the future.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

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Episode 7 Intro: Tragedies of Life

The Purpose of Tragedy

If you are following along in our workbook we are now at the top of page 21. The first three episodes of this series introduced the unique challenges to navigating the last third of our productive lives as we redefine God’s plans and purposes as we seek to finish our race. In episodes 4-8 we are looking at some of the obstacles and bumps in the road that can sideline us from finishing the race.

Now I know these middle episodes can seem a bit dark, but in my experience, avoiding these topics does not make them magically go away. Developing life strategies in these areas will provide us with new hope in the future and what God’s plans may still be for our lives as we age. One of these realities is dealing with those unexpected tragedies of life. While we all understand and accept that this life contains tragedy and pain, it can still be hard to deal with. During these times of tragedy, like David, we can feel that God has forsaken us (Psalm 22).

I think the story of Joseph from Genesis can provide us a perspective on the tragedies in our lives. As I am sure you recall, he had big dreams for his life, but at a young age he was sold by his jealous brothers into slavery. In his twenties in a foreign country, we see his ability and talent propel him to leadership, only to be wrongfully accused and end up in prison. It would seem that all his dreams were turning into a cruel tragedy. We don’t know exactly what he was thinking during this time, but I am sure he had similar feelings to what we have when we go through these inexplicable experiences. (Gen. 37, 39-45)

Even though he kept his integrity, I am sure he had many low moments and times of feeling despair. Remember, like us, he didn’t know how it was all going to turn out. We don’t get to read the end of our story until it is over. Well as the narrative continues we read of his brothers showing up in Egypt some thirteen years later to buy grain. Joseph, likely now in his thirties, was the key ruler of Egypt and in a position to help the very ones that had intended to harm him. But we see a different man than the young dreamer from Canaan.

It was the very tragedies that he went through that now provided him with God’s perspective on not only the unexpected events of his life, but also the purpose of those early dreams. He understood that “while others meant all this for harm,” God was in the background working all things out for his good and the good of others. This takes some maturity and a change of perspective. (Psa. 71; 146) Often, like Joseph, our very tragedies are designed by God to prepare us to be a better help to others. If we go through them with God’s perspective and grace, God will use us to serve others with his grace. Having this outlook, during even the bleakest of circumstances, will provide us with the peace of God which we need (Prov. 3:5; Isa 26:4).

Before we continue let’s consider the following:

What are some of the major tragedies that you have gone through? How have these impacted your view of God in our life and ministry? As you look back on your life, how has your perspective changed on what you only saw earlier as tragedies?

Now consider what tragedies you are still dealing with that you don’t have an answer for. Take some time to gain God’s perspective and peace even though he has not explained why you have, or are going through this.

Financial Fear

As with storms in life, the accumulative effect of tragedies can hit us hard as we see the end of the runway ahead of us. We may even discover we don’t quite have the resilience we once had when we were younger. Over a life time many of us have experienced tragedies in the form of disasters of all sorts. Yet even in disasters we can be assured that God is working for our good (Rom 8:28). Now that does not mean we will necessarily understand or appreciate them this side of eternity. My wife and I have had to walk through several tragedies that we think made us better people, but I can’t say I would like to go through them again. If you would like, you can download our book, “Roads Less Travelled,” to read our story. Suffice to say, dealing with tragedy is not a foreign or theoretical concept for us.

As we transition to the latter third of our life, often the issue of finances – or lack thereof – can cause concern or even outright fear for the future. For those who have responded to the call of full time ministry, it is likely that at this stage of life the future may seem uncertain as there may be no savings or retirement funds. David wrote, “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.” (Psa. 37:25). As with every stage of life, during our latter years, our source is still the same. Our Father has promised to provide what we need from youth to old age.

While we may have experienced God’s provision throughout our lives, as we age, our faith will be challenged to believe that the same God that has always provided will continue to do so. Jesus teaches us to learn the lessons from the birds of the air and the flowers of the field. We do not need to worry about what we will eat or drink, “For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matt. 6:25-33; Psa. 23).

Rather than looking at our apparent lack, we need to change our focus to God and his provision. Obviously, it is easier to do this when things are going well and the bank account is full. But during difficult financial storms we can rely on God’s promises and believe by faith what he has promised. If we trust in money it will let us down, but if we trust in God he has promised to provide for us, even in our old age.

Contentment is Possible

Paul writes in First Timothy, “… godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” ( 1 Tim. 6:6-8) If our focus is getting more money in order to gain security we will be disappointed. We will never have security or be satisfied through the accumulation of wealth. Paul learned to be content whether he had little or much.

God is not limited by natural laws in providing for us. If even the birds are cared for by him, how much more will he care for us. Financial loss can feel like it is burying us under an enormous weight, a burden that we cannot bear. It is during these times that we need to cast our burden on him (Psa. 55:22), knowing that he will sustain us (1 Peter 5:7). Instead of giving in to anxiety, we can choose to trust in God (Psa. 37:7). As Paul wrote the Philippians, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Phil 4:6-7). Now I know that this is sometimes easier said than done, but God is ultimately our only and final source.

In spite of our financial status, the weakness of our country’s currency, an expensive housing market, or any other societal challenges, our God is bigger than any of these. Generations of believers have proven his faithfulness and he has not changed. He will provide for us as he has for every generation before us.

If this is an area that is a challenge to you and your faith spend some time studying the Scripture in order to increase your faith with regards to God’s provision for you as you age.

Serious Illness

As we enter this last stage of life, it is also with the stark reality that health concerns will likely become more frequent than they were in our younger years. Living in a fallen world, this is inevitable and we have to learn to adjust to this new reality. In our younger years we may have had the luxury to live relatively free of symptoms and so when we did get sick we were just sure everything would work out okay.

However, as we age we can get concerned over aches and pains for which we never used to give a second thought. With every symptom we can anticipate the worst. Every strange feeling or lump can reduce us to fear, particularly as we see our body slowly declining as we look in the mirror. While we can mitigate this with a good diet and exercise, the reality is that physical death is destined for all of us.

For most of us we take this in stride, but the reality is that some also receive devastating terminal diagnosis, if not for ourselves perhaps for someone close to them. This can produce fear and uncertainty of our future. How do we live with hope and not give into fear in the face of such terrible news? While we believe that God still heals today, last time I checked humans have a mortality rate of 100%. To make those struggling with illness feel guilty for their sickness or apparent lack of faith is never helpful. The first disciples tried to blame the blind man or at least his parents, for his condition. But Jesus provided an uncomfortable truth, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John. 9:1-3). Might be good advice for us also.

There are actually plenty of examples of saints in the Scripture who had to deal with illness. From Job (Job 2:7-8) to David (Psa. 41:8) to the righteous king Asa (1 Kings 15:23) in the Old Testament, to saints in the New Testament. Some of these include the mighty Apostle Paul himself (2 Cor. 12:7-8), Lazarus (Jn. 11:1-4), Epaphroditus (Phil. 2:26-27), or Tabitha (Acts 9:36-41) to name a few. My point is, even good, righteous people get sick. To continue to state the obvious, as we age these illnesses will take a greater toll on our bodies and consequently our psyche and mind.

And often the battle is in the mind, isn’t it? Instead of allowing our mind to imagine all the worst case scenarios, we need to resist the fear and focus on God’s promise to be with us. As Paul teaches us, we need to focus on Christ and make each thought obedient to God’s word, believing what he says about our situation. ( 1 Tim 1:7; 2 Cor. 10:5) Regularly meditating on God’s word is key to keep our mind focussed on Christ. Believing the word over our circumstances (Eph 1:3) is essential.

Obviously, this is not a deep dive or study on this topic, but just a few thoughts to help us deal with the eventualities of getting older and what that may mean for us or our spouse. I think an attitude of thankfulness and gratitude also goes a long way in our spiritual and mental state during these difficult periods of illness. “Giving thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thess. 5:18) Sometimes this is difficult and a sacrifice, but the discipline of giving thanks for even the little daily things can make a huge difference in our spiritual and mental attitude.

It is important to not lose sight of the fact that God has a purpose for us until our very last breath, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Eph 2:10) Even when it is our time to pass on to the next life, we can do so full of faith and joy. In our weakness his grace is multiplied (2 Cor. 12:9). Regardless of the outcome of our physical condition, as believers we know it will never end in ultimate spiritual death. Though the enemy wants us to focus on our sufferings, Roman 8:18 reminds us that our present sufferings are nothing compared to what lies ahead for us in the future. Though illness is real, we can choose to focus on our future with Christ – which gives our present suffering ultimate meaning.

As we wrap up this episode,

Take some time to meditate on the Scriptures listed and allow them to speak to your spirit. Confess any fear and anxiety to the Lord you may have and allow him to fill you with his peace and hope.

We have one more episode in this Section of our series. So before we discuss how to rekindle our passion and discover renewed vision and purpose, we will look at how to navigate the deep losses and irresolvable pain we may be carrying in this latter season of life. If you are able to join me again next time, I know you will find that encouraging.

Episode 6: Storms of Life

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By this stage of life most of us have experienced our fair share of life storms along the way. But our capacity to weather even the everyday storms of life changes as we age. Another aspect that changes is that by this time the accumulative effect of a lifetime of storms and bad news can be more overwhelming. Combine this with potential personal disillusionments and they can hit us a bit harder than when we were younger, it can become a perfect storm. In this episode we want to focus on strategies to help each of us weather the inevitable storms of life, with a particular emphasis on dealing with these storms as we enter our latter season of life.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

Podcast Resources

Consider Helping

Video Script

Episode 6 Intro: Storms of Life

A New Reality

If you are following along in the workbook we are now on page 18. As most people, by this stage of life you have likely experienced your share of life’s storms. Being a believer does not make us exempt from the storms of life, as long as we live on this earth we will experience them. Now when we were younger we often could take these storms in stride and they did not set us back as much emotionally, or create the fear that storms later in life can produce. When we were younger we were driven by our dreams and future anticipation of God’s plan in our lives. Yet as we age we can feel more vulnerable. Our physical and mental health issues can cause us to question God’s future plan for our lives and wonder how many more storms we can actually endure.

Perhaps storms that we took as a mere challenge in our younger years, may now seem more existential. Kind of reminds me of the story of the disciples crossing the sea of Galilee with Jesus in Mark 4. Might be important to remember that these were seasoned sailors, or at least most of them were. In any case, I am sure it was not their first storm. Yet this storm was so intense that they feared for their very lives. (Mark 4:35-41)

Of course the context is that they had just spent a day ministering to the crowds, which is why Jesus suggested they take the boat to the other side of the lake for some rest. As we know, he also was tired and fell asleep in the boat. Mark records that the storm came out of nowhere, just kind of like many storms in our own lives. When these storms come, if we have not been in daily connection with Jesus, it is also easy to join these early disciples in wondering if Jesus really cares. If the storm gets bad enough and prolonged enough, even the best of us can give way to fear and despair. What do we do when we lose the hope that we will get to the other side?

Jesus is in the Boat

But at the beginning of the journey, Jesus had said, “Let’s go to the other side.” The destination was not in question, just like our destination is not in question. But when life takes a turn we did not expect we can begin to question if we will make it. Storms do not mean we are not in God’s will. After all, they were in the boat with Jesus, but experienced the kind of fear only those who have been in real life threatening storms can relate to. When these storms come out of nowhere its can cause us to lose hope that we will finish the race set before us. Remember Paul’s shipwreck on the way to Rome? Things looked pretty bleak.

During those times it is easy to forget that he promised us his peace in the midst of the storms, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Jn. 14:27 (Jn. 16:33) As we saw in a previous episode, if we have not kept our spiritual wells free of debris, these storms can hit us even harder. Like the disciples, we can question his love and care for us, or even his ability and interest to help us through the storm. Storms that we may have laughed at, or seen as merely a challenge or adventure in our younger years, now have the potential to capsize our boat.

When the storms of life inevitably hit us, they reveal what we have built our foundation on. In the disciples’ case it was fear rather than faith in Jesus. He asked them, “Where is your faith?” Jesus promises to take us to the other side, but he has not promised that there will be no storms along the way. He has promised to be with us in the storm and give us his peace along the way. While we don’t know the future, as we maintain a hope that God still has a plan for our lives, we can have faith that he will take us through any storm. (1 Peter 5:7)

So how about you,

What storms are you currently dealing with? Even though you know Jesus, are there areas that you fear or have a lack of trust in God’s undertaking in the situation? How has this affected you at this stage of your life?

Our Firm Foundation

The Bible is clear that storms in life are inevitable. James 1:2 encourages us to consider it joy when tests and challenges come our way for they produce maturity in us. Even Jesus learned through suffering and so, as his servants, we also will need to learn to walk that road (Heb. 5:8). It is during these storms that we find out if our lives are built on a firm foundation.

In all our busyness of life and ministry it is possible to neglect looking after the foundations in our lives. It usually happens little by little, not all at once. But without the right foundation we cannot build the courage, hope, perseverance and stability that we need for when the storm hits. When we were younger perhaps we were able to weather some storms with sheer will power and our own fortitude, fulfilling our vision with our own wisdom. But for most of us, at some point a storm will come along that will shake us to our foundations.

In addition, as we age we face storms we never thought would affect us. At those times, Paul encourages us to “. . . not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Cor. 4:16-17) He knew that Jesus was in the boat with him and was actually using this storm to refine him and make more like Jesus. (Isa. 48:10; Mal. 3:3). We are actually not to be surprised by the storm (1 Peter 4:12), as with his first disciples, he is wanting us to grow in our faith in Him through the storm (1 Peter 1:7).

It is these times that make us into the person that can better love God and serve others. I don’t know about you, but I have learned much more through sufferings than any of my successes. Might be good to pause again and consider,

As you spend some time in prayer are there areas of the foundation of your life that have shown cracks and areas you need to re-align to get back to trusting God that way you used to?

Have you tried to avoid suffering in your life or embraced it as a gift from God? Have you consistently put your faith and reliance on God?

Hope in the Storm

The enemy of our souls knows us and knows exactly how to design a storm tailored specifically for our fears and weaknesses. He knows what buttons to push in our lives and what is closest to our heart. My storm may seem like nothing to you and what you struggle with, I may find easier to deal with. But whatever our storm, if we lose hope that God still has a purpose in our lives we will question whether we will be able to navigate the storm. We will not be sure that we will make it to the other side as Jesus promised. (Prov. 14:32)

It is during these times that we need to go back and re-dig any spiritual “wells of living water” that we may have neglected. You see the degree of fear we experience in the storm is an indication of how much confidence we actually have in God and his continued purposes in our lives. These storms have a way of showing us those areas in our lives that we have never given to God or perhaps have struggled with on and off throughout our life. Fear is the opposite of faith and so our fear indicates an area we do not fully trust God and his character.

Job dealt with this didn’t he? In his dark valley he says something that is pretty telling about his thought life, “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.” (Job 3:25-26) Before we are too hard on Job, we might want to remember that we also have likely thought this at times. This is in contrast to Paul’s admonishment, which has become a favourite of mine during dark times, he says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7)

God’s peace is available in the storm, but to have his peace we need to be connected to him, connected to the vine so that we can receive from him. I am sure you have had times of experiencing his peace even while the storm was raging around you. These storms point out our need of God. When things are going well we can get lulled into thinking we can live life in our own strength, with our own experience and wisdom, but eventually a specific storm tailor made for us will test us at our core. During our final third of life, we are not immune from storms, regardless of how successful we may have been in previous storms. At this stage of life when we feel a bit more vulnerable, storms that at one point were mere challenges can overwhelm us.

Peace is Possible

God has promised that when we feel overwhelmed and filled with anxiety he will be there and act on our behalf. Our responsibility is to simply trust in him with everything in our being. This includes learning to manage our thought life. Back to Phil 4, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Phil. 4:8-9) As Isaiah writes, peace comes from having our mind steadfast on Him. (Isa. 26:3).

This is part of our responsibility to evaluate what we allow into our mind, which may include how much time we spend on our devices and screens and what feeds we may follow. We may be able to eliminate the majority of our anxiety and concerns by just spending more time with the Lord than we do the news and the noise of all the political commentary or whatever it is that you need to do to daily refocus on eternal rather than temporal matters.

You may be going through a storm right now that seems like it may overwhelm you. It may be something you never thought you would have to go through at this stage of your life. Now the last thing you need is “3 steps to success” or some proof text from Scripture to repeat as a mantra. I fully understand that it is not so easy. I have been there in the boat with the early disciples yelling above the sound of the wind and the waves, “Where are you Jesus! Don’t you care that I might go under here!”

Yet we are not totally helpless. As we turn our attention to the Master of the storm, he has promised to be there with us. This takes faith in his word over my circumstances and disciplining our mind to focus on him, which requires taking time to reconnect with God. But as we fear him, or respect and reverence him, we will discover that the fear of the storm will become less and less.

We will then experience new hope being restored within us. A hope that God still has a plan and purpose for our lives and that this storm in our lives will not sink us, but will empower us to go to the other side. That is a supernatural experience and until you have experienced it for yourself it is hard to explain. It does not compute with human logic. But in the storms of life this is exactly what we need, a supernatural intervention. This intervention begins with a change in my focus and believing Jesus’ words above and beyond what I see raging around me in my life. I can then takes steps to guard my heart and all the other disciplines that contribute to peace.

Even in our latter stages of life we will have storms and even though we have gone through many of them, they may seem even more intense during this season of our life. But rest assured, God is still with you and he still has a plan and purpose for your life. Don’t believe any lies to the contrary. It may not happen overnight, but if you consistently change your focus and switch from relying on ourselves to Jesus, we will experience his supernatural peace.

As we conclude our episode, here are a few things to think about,

If you are in the midst of a storm that seems overwhelming meditate on Scripture and spend time with God to give him your fears and allow his peace to speak to your storm.

Longer term, determine which of your spiritual “wells” have become silted up and need re-digging.

Next time we want to continue discussing some of the challenges we face during this stage of life. Our goal is to re-dig some wells so that in the second half of our series we can rediscover the purpose God has for our life. Only then will we finish our race successfully. As always, I hope you’ll be able to join me.

Episode 5: Disappointment & Failure

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In this episode we will continue our discussion by looking at some of the internal challenges that we may face during this season of life. This includes considering our motivation. Why we have been doing what we have been doing? As we deal with this, we will see that it is also important to deal with the inevitable wounds we have received from others throughout our lifetime. How do we deal the disappointment of unrealized expectations and perhaps even failures that we may have experience in our lives? How we deal with these unseen issues in our personal lives will have a major impact on if we finish our race well.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

Podcast Resources

Consider Helping

Video Script

Episode 5 Intro: Internal Challenges

In our last episode we were discussing the issue of burnout and fatigue. In this episode we will continue our discussion by looking at some of the internal challenges that we may face during this season of life. This includes considering our motivation. Why we have been doing what we have been doing? As we deal with this, we will see that it is also important to deal with the inevitable wounds we have received from others throughout our lifetime. How do we deal the disappointment of unrealized expectations and perhaps even failures that we may have experience in our lives? How we deal with these unseen issues in our personal lives will have a major impact on if we finish our race well.

Our Motivation

We may not have fallen into a major moral failure in our lives or ministry, but our motivations are an area that are much more subtle and yet potentially just as damaging. If we are going to finish our race, during this final season of life it is important we re-evaluate our motives and why we have been doing what we are doing. (Jer. 17:9-10).

Someone has said that for believers the “sins of our piety” can actually exceed the “sins of our immorality.” What this means is that the sins of immorality are clearly evident. They are hard to hide and have obvious consequences. It is probably evident by this stage of life if someone has fallen into these obvious moral failures. However, “sins of piety,” such as pride and ambition, are often committed in the name of God and are easier to hide under the umbrella of “spirituality.” Case in point would be the Pharisees of Jesus’ day.

These typically originate from not functioning with kingdom values in our lives and ministry. Instead of following Jesus’ example of servant leadership, perhaps we have begun to see ourselves as a “spiritual giant” or at least the “go to guy” or “expert.” The older we get the more tempting it is to fall into this trap. (1 Cor. 2:18-23; Eph. 4:22-24). As we gain more experience and the admiration of others, we can subtly believe that we should be entitled to the adulation and praise of others. (Prov. 16:18)

Yet to finish our race we must resist this temptation and remain humble, even as we age. We can evaluate how much this has affected us by asking ourselves how we respond when a younger, less experienced people are elevated and promoted beyond us? Are we jealous, or do we seek to bless them by mentoring and coaching them so that they can be even more effective than we were? Talking to his disciples about this very issue, Jesus says, “But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.” (Luke 22:26)

Jesus is our example. When he was at the pinnacle of his ministry he washed his follower’s feet, he was a servant to the end. Paul writes in Phil. 2 what his true attitude was and how this should also be our attitude. Taking on the very nature of a servant, laying aside our selfish ambition, valuing others above ourselves (Phil. 2:1-8). How about you, have you considered your motivation?

In what ways have you struggled with pride and vain ambition? What do you practically do in your life and ministry to ensure that you do not fall into this trap?

Unforgiveness

Over a lifetime it is inevitable that people have hurt us along the way. If we do not give these hurts to God, they will accumulate and poison us with bitterness. Disappointments have a way of damaging our souls. Perhaps at some point along the way we did not receive the position or recognition that we thought was ours and we’ve never really forgiven the people involved (2 Cor. 2:5-11). Paul encourages us to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. [Instead]Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” ( Eph. 4:31-32).

By this stage in our lives we all accumulate these grievances which can hinder us from moving forward in our lives (Prov. 14:10). The first step is to acknowledge these incidents and then allow God’s grace to soften our heart and see things from his perspective. This requires us to forgive others as Jesus taught us, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt 6: 14-15.

It is possible, and I would suggest necessary, to forgive those who may not have even asked us, or who may not even be sorry. Forgiveness is about releasing them from owing me anything. My heart is then free. Actually, forgives is more about releasing us from bondage, not even the perpetrator. Lack of forgiveness only harms us, not the one who has hurt us (Matt. 5:23-24). Though the relationship may not be fully restored we can move forward without bitterness in our hearts.

So as we pause,

Is there anyone who has hurt you that you have not forgiven? Why not spend some time right now with the Lord and allow him to bring to mind anyone that you may need to forgive and then release them from the prison of your hurt and anger.

Expectations and Disappointments

As we embark on the latter half or third of our lives, the way that things have turned out may be quite different than the way we thought they would have when we started our journey. As we saw in Episode 1 and 2, we may have some deep disappointments with how our circumstances turned out, or we may be disappointed with ourselves and ultimately even God. If we don’t deal with these unrealized expectations, they have the potential to make us bitter and disillusioned for the future. If they are deep enough, they may hinder what God still may want to do through our lives.

We are not exempt from sufferings, which can be in the form of frustration as Paul writes about in Romans 8, “For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it. . .” (Rom. 8:18-21). The Septuagint translation of Solomon’s “meaningless” in Ecclesiastes is the same work used for frustration here (Ecc. 2:17).

I understand that this next comment may be a bit controversial, but I have come to believe that God not only uses these frustrations in our lives, but he may even sometimes cause these frustrations in order to test our motives, prune our intentions, and make us more into the image of his Son. Part of adapting and transitioning through this latter season of life is to accept the way things are and believe that God has been and still is at work in our lives.

Instead of blaming others and asking why, our attitudes needs to be one of giving our disappointments to him and allowing him to heal our hurts from these unrealized expectations. Do we really believe that he is working all things together for good in our lives? (Rom. 8:28). It may be the case that these disillusionments are all part of God’s plan to teach us patience and meekness, so that we can better deal with others. Remember, he prunes those who he loves (Heb. 12:5-11).

Well how about it?

Have you experienced (or are experiencing) a level of frustration that seems to be making your life “meaningless?”

Consider your areas of disillusionment and disappointments and bring them to the Lord in prayer. Allow him to help you with your unresolved expectations and lead you to a new hope for the future.

Our Failures

Our failures can also hinder our future dreams. For some the fear of failure is something that has held them back for most of their lives. But even for those who have taken risks their whole life, as we age it may seem reasonable to take fewer risks and insulate ourselves from the potential failure of new ventures, for as we know there will be less runway ahead of us recover from potential crash landings.

Though it may seem rather counterintuitive, once we stop taking all risks we begin to shrink and die on the inside, we cease to grow. Remember our previous discussion of the Sigmoid curve. Without taking proactive steps at those inflection points on the upward side of the graph, we will inevitably begin to decline. Now I understand that this becomes increasingly difficult for most of us as we age and this does not mean taking risks just for risk sake or trying to do what we did in our twenties.

So while the risks we take may be more measured and applicable to our age limitations, God will always ask us to remain on the journey with him. He has promised to give us strength for every day that he gives us here on this earth. I believe this also will translate into renewed vision and purpose for every day of our earthly journey.

Many biblical characters wrestled with their failures. Moses, Gideon, Elijah, and Jeremiah, just to name a few, all came to the point of no longer having the confidence or strength to step out with God. Joshua is perhaps the classic example. God came to him and told him not to fear, and this was not a small thing since it was his task to follow his mentor, the giant of faith, Moses. (Josh. 1:6-9). Emerging from the shadow of Moses during the mid-point of his life Joshua would have been justified to feel a bit inadequate. It’s amazing to me that some 40 years later, his good buddy and peer, Caleb, was still up to taking risks.

As we age and seek to finish our final leg of the race, it is easy to rest on our past accomplishments and combined with increasingly physical fatigue and other age related challenges, it can cause us to just sit back and be content to watch others do it. Now I think at this stage we want to become more of a coach for others and open doors for them, rather than sucking up all the oxygen in the room, but this does not mean that God will not have something for us still to accomplish. Instead of shrinking back like Joshua initially did, we can be more like a Caleb, even into our latter years.

To do this, though, we will need to evaluate our priorities to make sure we are in step with Jesus, spending even more time with him and allowing his Word to speak to us and strengthen us (Psa. 119:97-100). As we spend time with Him, he will renew our vision and strength. As we know, “without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Heb. 11:6.) And the origin of this faith comes from the Word himself, “… faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” (Rom. 10:17)

The eleventh chapter in Hebrews continues by providing a list of what many of the saints of old did through this faith — and many of these like Noah, Abraham, Sarah and Moses, were no spring chicks. There might be hope for all of us after all! It is never too late to begin. Though rebuilding shattered dreams and disillusionments will take time, God will rebuild our faith as we re-dig these wells. Then we will be prepared to finish the race that he has called us to run.

Now I am aware that the second half of Hebrews 11 lists those who were persecuted and killed in creative ways, but even then it was through their faith that they successfully accomplished the race God had for them. And in the longer trajectory of eternity their sufferings will have been worth it. And so will ours.

Have you experienced failures that have paralyzed you, particularly at this stage of life when it would be easier to no longer step out in faith to fulfill God’s plan in our lives?

I hope you have found this episode helpful as you reflect on your own journey. Perhaps you may have to retool some of your attitudes and perspectives to finish your race. I hope you have the courage to do so. Next time we are going to begin to look at some of the external challenges that come our way and how we can successfully weather these storms in our lives. I am looking forward to having you join me then.

Episode 4: Fatigue and Burnout

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Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you were no longer the strongest one? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with all your responsibilities and wonder if you have the capacity to meet all these obligations? Live long enough and you’ll probably experience this at some point. What do we do when we come to the point that we no longer feel like the strong one that can carry others? What do we do then others are still looking to us for strength and leadership, but we need others to carry us for a while? Even the great Apostle Paul had a season when he experience this, so in this episode we are going to begin with how we deal with this. How to grapple with fatigue and burnout.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

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Video Script

Episode 4 Intro: Assessing our Situation

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you were no longer the strongest one? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with all your responsibilities and wonder if you have the capacity to meet all these obligations? Live long enough and you’ll probably experience this at some point. What do we do when we come to the point that we no longer feel like the strong one that can carry others. What do we do then others are still looking to us for strength and leadership, but we need others to carry us for a while? Even the great Apostle Paul had a season when he experience this, so in this episode we are going to begin with how we deal with this. How to grapple with fatigue and burnout.

Despairing of Life

In the first few episodes of this series we have been discussing what it means to be in the last half, or even last third of our productive lives. We discovered that it is important to be honest with ourselves as to where we are at and what we have gone through in our lives to this point. We learned that some of us may enter this stage with disillusionments and regrets, while others may be bored or apathetic having realized many of their dreams. We also discussed the importance of redigging some old wells and being proactive to realign our values.

These first three episodes covered the first section of the workbook. This fourth episode begins the second session of the workbook which will be covered in Episodes 4-8 of this series. In this section we want to reflect in greater detail where we currently are at in our life and how this will affect us finishing our race. Before we can establish new meaning and purpose in our lives moving forward this is important. Regardless of our age, God has a plan and purpose for each of us, but to realize this we often have to let go of some of the baggage of the past.

Now it is likely that you will not be able to relate to each of the areas we will cover in the next few episodes, but you have probably lived long enough to identify with many of the issues we will discuss. My goal is not to depress you further as we deal with some heavy issues, but rather to identify areas that we may have to deal with in order to get freedom and renewed vision. If you are following along in the workbook we are beginning on page 11.

As I mentioned at the top, the Apostle Paul was not immune to dealing with overwhelming issues of life. At some point he said that he was even, “despairing of life.” He writes of the overwhelming distress and problems he experienced in Asia, and this from a guy who had a very high pain tolerance. If you question this, just read 2 Cor. 11:23-30. Yet he says that the pressure he was under was beyond his ability to bear, to the point that he was ready to give up on life. Hard to believe coming from the great Apostle, isn’t it? Hard to imagine Paul getting so down that he was at the point of giving up. (2 Cor. 1:8-11)

The obvious point is that if this could happen to such a spiritual giant, we may want to fasten our own seatbelts. There have likely been times in your life when you have no longer felt like you could be the strong one. If we have always been the one to carry others and come to the point we no longer can, the role reversal can be quite a shock. The reality is that if we live long enough we will go through these times and have these feelings. We will experience events that we cannot just “fix” or even pray away. Now, none of us want to seem weak or even admit to this to others, let alone write about it as Paul did! The fact is that during these times we feel like we are letting others and even God down.

This is particularly difficult for those with Messiah complex or feel that leadership is about being the strongest person in the room, in contrast to a being a fellow pilgrim or a servanthood model. (1 Cor. 2:3-5) So we need to begin my being okay admitting to ourselves and others that we not superheroes or spiritual giants. As we age through midlife this can become more difficult to do as other’s expectations of us actually increase. If we have the mentality, when we were younger, that leadership is about us bearing everyone’s burdens on our shoulders, this will become increasingly difficult during the last third of our lives. This unrealistic expectation can actually crush us. The good news is that if we rely on Him, God will provide the strength we need through every stage of life, including the last one. But we have to honest with him and with ourselves and have a realistic approach to what we can handle in every stage of life.

So let’s pause for a second here and consider the following:

Read 2 Cor. 1:8-11. Have you had these feelings and gone through what Paul did? How did you deal with it?

What do you think is the solution to having to always be seen as the strong one, the one with all the answers? How do you think this will impact you over the long haul?

Fatigue and Burnout

One characteristic that we notice as we transition to the midpoint and then the last third of our lives, is that we typically cannot carry the same mental or psychological load or keep going at the same pace that we have in the past. We kind of looked at this in our first episodes, when we discussed the realities of our stages of life. It is actually dangerous for our health to not make this transition. Trying to do things at the same pace we always have, in an attempt to prove our youthfulness, is a recipe for burnout and fatigue.

Some studies have shown that one third of all doctor visits are due to fatigue and that a majority of all visits are due to stress. Long term burnout leaves us feeling drained emotionally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually. Of course this can happen at any stage of life, but can be particularly debilitating at the latter stages of our life as we don’t bounce back as quickly as when we were younger. The classic example of this is Elijah as recorded in 1 Kings (1 Kings 19:9-18). He had just called down fire from heaven, killed hundreds of men with a sword and outran a chariot. That’s a pretty full day. But in this passage we now find him suffering fatigue and burnout. He had lost all perspective and even wanted God to take his life. He was done. Ever been there?

Some of the symptoms can include feelings of high anxiety that come over us at unpredictable times. We can also become more irritable and unable to carry the load of responsibility that we were once were able to carry. While before we could carry others, we can now be shocked to discover that we are struggling just to carry ourselves. Other symptoms include waking up tired, despondency or apathy towards activities we used to enjoy. Eventually this leads to physical symptoms. Maybe you are there right now or have gone through this in the past.

When we are experiencing burnout in our mid to latter stages of life, we feel trapped and this made even worse because it happens at a time when others see us as strong and want to rely on us more and more. Not being able to carry the load we once did can create more anxiety and fear of the future. We know it’s too early to give up or retire and yet not finishing our race can begin to look like a real possibility. In the worst case scenario this can lead to clinical depression or “despairing of life” as the Apostle Paul described. We may want to join Elijah in the shade under the broom tree and say “take me now!”But for most of us it just sets us back and creates enough self doubt to wonder how we will finish our race.

Hope on the Other Side

But once we identify what is happening and are honest with ourselves, we can take steps to return to health so that we can fulfill God’s purposes for our lives. When we find ourselves in this situation coming out the other side with our renewed strength can seem rather unlikely. But there is hope on the other side of fatigue and burnout. It begins by re-digging the well of making Jesus our source again. Jesus encourages us to, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

We also need to learn to adjust our expectations and our values. Often burnout is the result of bearing loads and responsibilities that God never intended for us to carry. Spiritual and mental burnout doesn’t just happen overnight, it is usually the accumulation of many small choices over an extended length of time. To combat burnout we need to re-dig some spiritual, mental, emotional and physical wells. It begins with reconnecting to Jesus to keep our spirits alive as well as thinking healthy thoughts and keeping our relationships healthy. This includes learning to manage our emotions in constructive ways and doing the practical steps of getting enough rest, exercise, and eating healthy.

While we may want instantaneous deliverance, as with Elijah, it is more likely we will have to take proactive steps day by day to realign ourselves spiritual, mentally, emotionally and physically. The results of years of negative life patterns will take time to unwind and restore. So how about we reflect on where you are at right now:

Have you, or are you now experiencing the symptoms of “burnout?” What do you believe has led you to this state?

Are there steps or habits in your life that you can establish in your life to mitigate experiencing burnout in your life in the future?

Choices that lead to Burnout

Unlike a crisis that comes upon us unexpectedly, burnout is usually something that is a result of choices we have made over time. These choices can be described in four areas: Value, Expectations, Purpose, and Unresolved Issues. Let’s briefly look at each of these.

Values

Have our values been consistent with Kingdom values or have we allowed misplaced priorities to lead us into a crisis. Were we functioning as servant leaders or in our ambition building our own kingdom or ministry? Perhaps a bit more subtle is if we have been doing ministry for Jesus in our own strength. We can do that for a while, but it eventually will burn us out. Actually ministry burnout can be an indicator that we have been doing it in our own strength all along.

Expectations

Unrealistic or unmet expectations can also lead to the crisis of burnout. What have been our expectations of life and ministry? Did we feel that God let down his side of the bargain? Are we even secretly angry with him? Thinking, hey I was serving you, but look how my life, my family, my finances, turned out. You can fill in the blank. If our expectations were misplaced or unrealistic this will lead to disappointment, anger and even depression. All disappointments can usually be traced back to some unmet expectation.

Purpose

Have you ever asked yourself, “What is the point of all this anyway?” Even life giving activities and ministry can seem to be meaningless if we lose our focus and the real purpose for serving others. We need to redefine or reaffirm why we exist, what our purpose is. Our understanding of our purpose must be based upon who we are rather than upon circumstances or even external achievements.

Unresolved Issues

During the busyness of life and ministry it is easy to postpone dealing with negative issues that have happened throughout our lives. While some unresolved issues are related to tasks, most stem from relational issues. Usually throughout our life or ministry we deal with the task issues, while relational issues are avoided or put off until “later.” But at some point, “later” becomes “now.” So who are those that we need to forgive and allow the wounds from the past to heal?

Wrong choices in these four areas, over time, will lead us to a crisis during this last season of life. This will inevitably affect our ministry, our relationships with others and our relationship with God. So as we conclude this episode, let’s take a few moments to consider:

Can you identify with any of these areas of choices and, if so, how have they impacted your life and ministry?

Burnout is not a terminal condition. I hope that these few thoughts will stimulate you to take the initiative to renew life patterns that may have led to your own season of burnout. Doing this will help us finish our race with renewed energy and vision. In the next few episodes we will discuss some of the other challenges that face us that can result in us not finishing our race with meaning and purpose. I look forward to having you join me.

Episode 3: Some Initial Steps

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In our last few episodes, we have been considering our present stage of life and reflecting on some of the baggage we may have accumulated throughout a lifetime of living and serving. We reflected on if we had become disillusioned with life or if we had become apathetic, believing that our best years were behind us. Now, as we conclude these first three introductory episodes, we will discuss three steps we can take in order to move forward in our lives. With every passing day, as we see the runway ahead getting shorter and shorter ahead of us, what steps can we take in order to realign our perspective so that we can hope for the future?

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

Podcast Resources

Consider Helping

Video Script

Episode 3: Re-Digging Wells, Re-Examining Values

In our last few episodes, we have been considering our present stage of life and reflecting on some of the baggage we may have accumulated throughout a lifetime of living and serving. We reflected on if we had become disillusioned with life or if we had become apathetic, believing that our best years were behind us. Now, as we conclude these first three introductory episodes, I want to discuss three steps we can take in order to move forward in our lives. With every passing day, as we see the runway ahead getting shorter and shorter ahead of us, what steps can we take in order to realign our perspective so that we can hope for the future?

Being Proactive is a Choice

Welcome back, if you are following along in the workbook, we are now on pages 7-10, as we finish off the first section of the “Finishing the Race” Guide.

As with every stage of life, being proactive is the key to success. One thing I have observed is that most of us tend to live each stage of life based on principles we have learned that have worked previously in our life. Often, it is not until we are well into the new stage of life do we recognize the need to make changes. But the reality is that the principles and strategies that worked in our thirties, for example, are not the same ones that will work in our forties or in fifties, and so on.

Yet we kind of get locked into a certain way of thinking or doing things, don’t we? We tend to keep functioning in the same way, particularly if they have been successful in the past. As Einstein said, We can’t do the same things and expect different results. So as we age we need to learn to adjust our approach if we are going to finish our race successfully. I would suggest that instead of waiting until we are well into the next stage of life before making changes, it is much more effective to be proactive to make changes ahead of time. Changing our actions, maybe even some of our values, as we anticipate the next stage of life around the corner.

In Matt. 9:16-17, Jesus teaches this principle by using the illustration of wineskins and patches on old clothes. As with the process of aging wine and wineskins, we have to remain flexible in order to accommodate the new wine. In other words, we have to continue being flexible in how we do things as we age. It is the same principle illustrated with putting a shrunken patch on unshrunken new clothing. They both need to be in sync.

The Sigmoid Curve

Another way of describing this is using the “Sigmoid Curve.” This diagram illustrates those inflection points in life we all go through. The basic principle is that the attitudes and activities that have made us “successful,” are not necessarily going to be the same ones that will keep us there. The tried and proven ways in which we have functioned in the past, will likely not be same ones that will help us successfully navigate the future.

Throughout every stage of life, we eventually come to a point of stagnation. If intentional steps are not made at these inflection points in our ministry, our marriage, or personal and relational life, we will begin to decline and not reach our potential. Continuing to just do the same things, usually at some point no longer work. The challenge is to be proactive and not wait until we are on the downward portion of the curve before taking steps for ongoing growth. Being proactive before we plateau will actually result in the beginning of a new upward curve.

The danger is to resist change at this latter stage of our life and career. Let’s face it, it gets harder to change the older we get, right?! The pitfall is to rely only on our past wisdom and experience, which by this stage we have more of than another other time in our life. But if we do this, we will stop learning and growing and decline in our lives. I remember showing my father how to use a cell phone, not a big deal, but he was in his nineties! It’s amazing, he remained curious about life until he passed away at 102. Okay, full disclosure, I did get a few pocket dials at 2 and 3 in the morning, but for the most part he learned a new skill, even at that age. As I now age, I realize how hard it is to continue to be a learner and curious about life as we get older. I am becoming even more impressed by his example.

Change in Tough

I think we can always be learning something. The life lesson for me is that the time to begin the next phase of what God’s wants to do in my life is when I still have remaining resources and energy from the previous stage. The longer we wait the harder it becomes. We get set in our ways, relying on our past. The irony of taking steps before we notice the decline is that this means making a change when things may be going well. I have taught this principle to churches and organizations and have observed that it is as counterintuitive for us as individuals as it is for organizations.

Those who have had the most success in life will find this very difficult. Our tendency is to try to ride the top of the curve as long as possible – too long. We then get “stuck” and if we continue doing the same things for too long we will plateau in our lives. Decline at that point is inevitable. If we wait too long to make a change, at some point we will lack the resources, energy and time to begin a new curve in our lives.

In the ancient prophetic writings, God encourages us to, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Isa. 43:18-19) That is the kind of God we serve, always changing, always doing something fresh and new. And since we are made in his image, it kind of makes sense that we would have some of this same DNA in us doesn’t it? The really good news is that he has promised that he will give us enough strength to equal however many days that he gives us on this earth (Deut. 33:25).

At this point, let’s pause and consider:

Have you taken steps in your life in order to not be content with past successes? How do you continually challenge yourself and your approach to life?

What strategies do you have that help you maintain personal and professional growth?

Re-digging Old Wells

In the first book of the Torah, we read of the patriarch, Isaac, reopening wells that had been dug years earlier by his father Abraham. Their enemies, the Philistines, had filled them in after Abraham had died and they had become useless. (Gen. 26:18) There can be many reasons that the wells of our lives become plugged, ranging from activities of our enemies’ to our own neglect. But how do we redig these ancient wells in our lives?

When we are young, it seems we can function with a few plugged up wells, and have enough self-strength to keep going…..or maybe that is self-delusion. “No problem,” we think, “When I get a chance I will deal that stuff.” Of course in the busyness of life and work we never get around to it. For a time we can keep all the plates spinning. But at some point in our lives, those plugged wells will begin to affect our health, our effectiveness and our relationships. These “wells” are illustrative of our access to life giving water, our spiritual life. Redigging wells means that we remove whatever is hindering that vibrant relationship with Jesus. For this is really where the power is going to come from for us to finish our race. After all, it is “Christ in us” that is the hope of glory.

Over a lifetime it is easy for these spiritual wells to be filled in by a lack of cultivating our relationship with Jesus. It is so easy and subtle to become dry ourselves, even while serving water to others. We can be so busy serving others that we forget to drink of it ourselves. Or we may think we have been drinking because we have been up to our elbows in water. But until it gets to our mouth, it does us no good. As we enter the final stages of life, it become apparent if we have been filling up on achievement and success, rather than on Jesus and the life that he gives. Only his life is what will sustain us for the long haul.

As we face the challenges during this season of life, are we willing to be emptied of our own strength and wisdom so that we can more fully rely on Christ? Is Jesus enough? That is a question that became very real to me during this time. Yes, we know the right answer to the question, but does my life really reflect that? This requires an attitude of humility and relinquishment. If we allow him, he will prune us in order to release us from the baggage of life that we have been dragging around and that has choked up the wells of life. (Heb. 12:4-13).

Do we still see Jesus as our source? Are we aware of the importance of “being” rather than “doing?” Do we still seek the approval of others or is Jesus all we need? (Gal. 1:10) These are all matters related to redigging wells. This requires some patience and grace on our part, because unhealthy habits that have developed over decades do not change easily or quickly. Even with intentionality it will take time to transition our lifestyle to reflect new values.

Well, that’s some pretty heavy stuff, but it’s so important. So let’s pause here again and reflect on the wells in our lives:

As you look over your life can you identify “wells” that may have been neglected and need “re-digging?” What do you think God wants to do in your life to prepare you for this final phase of your life?

Reflect on any lessons or Scriptures God has already been dealing with you and allow him to speak to you in a new way.

Re-examining our Values

As we transition to our final years of life and productivity, we have the opportunity to realign our priorities, focussing less on ambition and success and more on the importance of a relationship with Jesus. This is particularly important for those of us who have spent a lifetime serving others.

One of the occupational hazards of ministry is that we can get our identity and fulfillment from service, rather than from an intimate relationship with him. Over a lifetime of service it is easy to have spent most of our time giving bread to others, while failing to eat of the Bread of Life ourselves. This can also happen in whatever our career happened to be.

If we have wrongly associated “serving” God with having a “relationship” with God, we will likely come to the last lap of our race tired and burned out. Like the elder brother in Jesus story of the loving Father and Prodigal son, it is possible to have been in the Father’s house, and yet not having cultivated a real relationship with him. (Luke 15:11-31) Serving God is no substitute for spending time with God.

Meaning and purpose do not come from doing things FOR God, but rather from spending time WITH him. It is only out of this relationship that we will have the strength to finish our race. Navigating these waters successfully at this stage of life will result in us having renewed energy and vision like Caleb of old.

I am sure you remember him, he was one of the spies that scouted out the promised land. He has got to be one of my favorite biblical characters. Yet through no fault of his own – remember he wanted to go into the land right then – he ended up wandering around in the sandy desert for the next 40 years, and then burying all his friends and peers in that same sand. Yet, instead of getting bitter, in his eighties he is still full of passion and purpose. I find that pretty inspiring. (Josh. 14:6-12).

Let’s pause now to consider:

In what ways have your values shifting and need to be realigned? Have you substituted service for God for cultivating a relationship with God?

As you reflect on Caleb’s life what lessons can you apply to your life?

But how did Caleb pull this off? For sure, it just doesn’t happen because we wake up in the morning. He must have been intention not get bitter. As we close this episode, we are going to transition in the next few episodes to the important task of assessing what life has dealt us and how we have become who we are. We all know lots of older folks that are nothing like Caleb. What is the difference? How do we get there? We are going to come around full circle back to Caleb at the end our series, but we need to first review a bit of our past, and who we have become, before we can then consider moving forward with vision and purpose. Next time I hope you’ll join me as we discuss how to avoid fatigue and burnout.

Episode 2: Regrets Anyone?

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Description

In our last episode we opened up our series by considering the realities of entering this last lap of our race and the importance of facing these head on in order to maintain meaning and purpose in life. We looked at both physical and relational markers on our journey and this time we want to look at the reality of regret. As you reflect on your life, do you have regrets? Are they so intense that they jeopardize your future? This time we want to discuss two typical scenarios that people face as they age. As people reflect on how their life has gone, they will either find themselves regretful and disillusioned or apathetic and bored. We will either feel that life has treated us poorly, or we may feel that we have had a pretty good run and so the future will never be as bright as the past.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

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Video Script

Episode 2 Intro: Disillusioned or Apathetic

The Reality or Regret

If you are following along in the workbook, we are going to be on pages 4-6 in this episode. In our last episode we looked at the physical and relational realities that we typically face during this time of life. But another gnawing reality that can hit us during this season is regret. By this stage of life we have typically lived long enough to regret some of the experiences we have had or gone through. While this is inevitable, if we do not deal with these regrets they can really cripple us moving forward. I wonder, Do you have peace or are you filled with regrets over situations in your personal life or in your career or ministry?

As he reflected on his life and failures, which by the way included murder and adultery, just to name the top two, King David wrote “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.” (Psa. 38:4) Perhaps you feel like that over some situations in your life. Regrets can blind us to the possibilities of the future, or if we even have a future. In chapter forty David continues that his troubles are without number and his sins have overtaken him, to the point that his heart was failing within him (Psa. 40:12).

Some of our regrets, like David, are due to bad choices we have made, but they could also just be a result of the way things in our lives turned out. Regret is usually under the surface and can stay there gnawing at us for years. It can then be expressed in other emotions, such as anger or depression. Forgiving ourselves and others is the only way we can move beyond it. Throughout our lives, if we have not been “taking out the trash,” so to speak, it is likely that these regrets may have accumulated and become overwhelming. This is why it is crucial that we address these issues and come to a place of peace so we can move forward.

Receiving Forgiveness and Restoration

John reassures us that even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything (1 Jn. 3:20). The writer of the Hebrews offers some real hope, “let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience. .” (Heb 10:22).

While we cannot go back and change the past events, we can take them to the Lord and leave them at the cross. We can then move on and not choose to not dwell on these mistakes and regrets of the past. Failing to do this will mean regret will consume us and eat away at our future. It’s so important that we learn to accept God’s grace for us as we forgive ourselves and others. This will free us, but it only happens as we make the choice to gain a new perspective on our past. Spending time with the Lord and meditating in His Word will position us to healed by him.

The good news is that we are not alone in this. There have been many imperfect men and women throughout the pages of Scripture that illustrate our need to receive God’s forgiveness and restoration. Men like Moses, David, Jacob or even the Apostles Peter and Paul. As we read Paul’s epistles, it does not take much imagination to envision what he must have had to overcome to go from being a persecutor of Christians to planting churches and a key leader among these same Christians. I guarantee you he had a few regrets he had to get over with the help of the Lord.

If we take the time to do this during this stage of life we will find new strength to finish our race. It is not a successful strategy to just work harder or ignore past pain. While we may have been able to pull this off during our younger years, we will find this increasingly difficult the older we become. To finish our race we will need to deal with the issue of past regrets in our lives, trusting that God was and is in control of our life. He is still all about exchanging beauty for our ashes.

At this point let’s take a few moments and reflect on our own lives:

Do you have regrets about how things went in life? Be honest with yourself and your spouse about the things from life that have disappointed you and caused you to live with regret.

Have you taken the time to bring them honestly to the Lord and allow him to heal your heart? Again, take some time in the Word and with the Lord to allow him to heal these hurts.

Two Scenarios: Disillusionment

At this stage of life, we will either find ourselves disillusioned with the way life has gone, or we may find ourselves bored and apathetic as we have accomplished most of our goals and expectations. Each of these have their own dangers and challenges.

It is inevitable that by this point in our lives we likely will have to accept that certain dreams we had when we were younger will not be accomplished. It may have been dreams as to how our family was going to turn out, or what we were going to accomplish in our professional or ministry life. Dealing with the unrealized dreams can create a deep sense of disappointment and even depression. Sometimes we are not even aware of what is gnawing on our insides. We go to bed with a heaviness and wake up with that same weight on our souls in the morning, assuming we sleep at all!

There are many reasons why dreams do not get fulfilled. Let’s face it, some of our dreams were just fanciful ideas with no basis in reality. Yet other dreams we had maybe were legit, but perhaps as we aged we realized that they were not for us, but for others to accomplish. This is the beauty of mentoring, our dreams outlive us and have continuity to what God is doing in the next generation. If you want to take a deeper dive into the whole art of mentoring check out my Mentoring Intelligence podcast and materials.

Remember the dream that was initially given to Abraham, that he would be the father of a might nation? But it was nowhere near being fulfilled in his lifetime. It was only following generations who began to see it’s fulfillment. But in order to regain meaning during this latter season of our life, it is important we deal with the grief of lost or unrealized dream. As we re-evaluate those dreams and rediscover God’s real purpose for us, we can resolve this inward pain and live of life of faith and passion.

Sometimes our experiences may be similar to that of the Apostle Paul. He had wanted to go back to Asia, but in a dream was thwarted by God. After several other attempts, he eventually went to Macedonia, which as it turned out, was God’s ultimate plan anyway. (Acts 16:6-15). Even when he finally gets to Rome, it does not seem to turn out the way he intended. I am sure preaching to Caesar by being under arrest was not his plan A. Yet he eventually gained new perspective as to why he was in chains. He saw his life and experiences through the lens of God’s perspective. (Phil. 1:12-18). Nor sure about you, but this is where I want to get to in my life, seeing it all from God’s perspective.

Unfortunately, this was not always the case during our younger, more ambitious years. I am sure we can all identify with having plans that we tried to make happen in our own strength. If this has been a habit pattern, now is a good time to adjust and change. Instead of just keeping busy with life and work, we can learn to listen to what God’s direction is for us. Without this attitude, we’ll likely never gain God’s perspective as to what he is doing in our lives. During this season we can have confidence that God has been leading and guiding our lives and is making all things work out for our good(Rom. 8:28).

If we allow him, God will cut away those things that have held us back and graciously prepare us for future effectiveness, even in the latter years of our life. We can be prepared for even greater effectiveness as we realign your priorities and allow him to prune us during this transitional time of life. (Job 42:12; Haggai 2:4-9).

Let’s take a few moments and consider:

What dreams of yours have not been fulfilled? How are you dealing with the reality that they may never be fulfilled as you envisioned they would be?

On an emotional level, do you believe that God is good and has directed every aspect of your life? Are you willing to allow him to prune you during this time, even if it is painful?

Two Scenarios: Apathetic/Bored

On the other hand, instead of being disillusioned, you may have had most of your dreams fulfilled. Life may have exceeded your expectations. It was not perfect, but as you look back at your life you may not have many regrets and may feel like you had a pretty good run.

If this is where you find yourself, the danger on the other side of the road is the ditch of boredom or apathy. You may have begun to notice that activities that used to energize you and fill you with meaning no longer do. Those who arrive with this frame of mind at the stage of life, tend to feel a loss of meaning and purpose for the future. You may even feel that your best days are behind you. The result is the same as those who are disillusioned. We are in danger of losing hope that God still has a purpose for our life.

While there are many reasons that this happens, it always results in a feeling of emptiness. Even if we are continue with our career or ministry, there is no more joy and no sense of meaning in our daily life. Instead of having energy and joy, we can feel emotionally and physically worn out. At times we may even wonder what purpose there is to carry on.

The danger of spending a lifetime of gaining fulfillment from achievements, is that this can become addictive. We don’t notice we were addicted, until we find ourselves no longer have that influence, responsibility, or position. What gives us meaning when we can no longer achieve as we once did? We may have even taught others that true satisfaction only comes from union with Christ, but we may have been so busy working for God that we did not apply these truths to our own life.

As Peter, in the face of others clothing us and leading us where we do not want to go, will we still love Jesus and feed his sheep? (John 21:18)

As we conclude this episode, let’s consider some questions that may have led us down a path of unhealth. When it comes to our personal and relational health,

How many hours per week do you work?

How much time have you taken off in the last three years?

Do you have a hobby that is unrelated to your work or ministry? Do you exercise?

How much time do you spend with your wife per week?

Do you feel guilty when you take time to rest and not think about the ministry?

When it comes to our relationship with the Lord,

How much quiet time do you spent with the Lord (not including time spent in preparation for ministry to others)?

Putting it all together,

What do your answers indicate regarding your health and balance in life and ministry?

As you consider your present situation, do you tend to be disillusioned or apathetic?

Have your dreams not come true or have you done more than you thought you would? How do you think this will impact your future?

The goal of this study is to give you tools to regain joy and meaning as you rediscover the purposes that God still has for your life. As long as we are on this earth, he is not done with us. He wishes to continue to give us meaning everyday as we walk hand in hand with him on this journey. Our journey will culminate as we make our final transition from our present reality to our new eternal one. Join me next time as we discuss some of the initial steps we can take to achieve this meaning in our lives.

Episode 1: Denial is not a Strategy

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Description

It seems amazing to me that the one inevitability in life is aging, and yet it is the one thing we want to avoid and don’t really want to talk about it or make preparation. I wonder if this describes your attitude? Have you taken time to reflective on what you have been through in life – the good, the bad and the ugly – and considered how it has made you who you are? Have you considered changes that you need to make as you enter the last third of your productive life? De-nile may be a river in Egypt, but if we camp there things usually don’t turn out well. So this series we will discuss some of these issues and then offer some steps that I think you’ll find helpful on your own journey of finishing the race that God has given you.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

Podcast Resources

Consider Helping

Video Script

Episode 1 Intro: Denial is not a Strategy

Well, How are you doing? I know we use that line as a greeting without really expecting a response. But I really mean it, How are you doing at this stage of your life? It seems amazing to me that the one inevitability in life is aging, and yet it is the one thing we want to avoid and don’t really want to talk about it or make preparation. I wonder if this describes your attitude? Have you taken time to reflective on what you have been through in life – the good, the bad and the ugly – and considered how it has made you who you are? Have you considered changes that you need to make as you enter the last third of your productive life? De-nile may be a river in Egypt, but if we camp there things usually don’t turn out well. So this series we will discuss some of these issues and then offer some steps that I think you’ll find helpful on your own journey of finishing the race that God has given you.

Life Context

At some point along our journey we come face to face with our own mortality. For some this occurs as a result of a dramatic event and for others it happens more gradually as they age. The Psalmist reflect on the brevity of life when he prayed, “Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.” (Psa. 39:4-5). In the New Testament, James describes our life on this earth as but a mist in light of eternity (James 4:14).

Now this can seem rather depressing, particularly if you believe that our life here is all there is. If that would be the case, “living for today” and “getting all we can out of this life” would makes perfect sense. However, as believers we have a hope in a future that transcends our short life here. Paul puts it like this, “Do you not know that in a race all runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” (1 Cor. 9:24-27). He seems to be making the point that our life here is important in light of eternity and so it matters how we run the race.

As we know, life expectancy in most societies has increased since those days, but even 100 years is not much in light of eternity. But this longevity means that current generations are dealing with more and varied stages of life. We are dealing with issues that previous generations did not have to deal with. At a time when we have the luxury of re-evaluating our lives, most in previous generations were already dead. So, depending upon the life expectancy in your society, life stages and transitions may happen at different times and could look quite different, but there will be transitions and stages.

Ideally this latter stage of life should be characterized by a time of self-assessment, reflecting upon our journey thus far and how we can prepare for what God may still have for us in the future. So in the first few episodes of this series we will begin by looking at some of the issues that often surface during this time and then discuss ways we can recalibrate our lives to finish our race with passion and purpose.

Of course, as we get older, we realize we have less life in front of us than we have behind us. But if we don’t take intentional steps to adapt and adjust, it is possible to not finish our race well. And how we finish our race here has implication as we prepare for the eternal plans and purposes that God has for us. All this talk of our eternal home can be seen as some as a kind of escapism or maybe a lack of engaging in this life.

But the biblical authors did not hold that view. They actually talked a lot about our eternal home. It seems that they were making a connection between how we run our race here, with our life to come. I mean beyond salvation and just making it into those pearly gates, they connected our quality of discipleship here with our future life. The two are not two completely separate realities.

Aging Attitudes

I like Paul’s attitude when he wrote to the Philippians, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:14). But how do maintain this positive perspective throughout our lives? How do we keep engaged here and “press on” knowing this is but a mist?

For some of us, at this stage of life, there could be a sense of grief as we realize that some, or even maybe many, of our dreams will never be fulfilled. All of us come to that point when we have to acknowledge that some of the dreams of our youth will likely not happen. This can be rather painful. Again denial is not a strategy at this point, so we have to address the elephant in the room. But even if we have processed this loss and are relatively emotionally healthy, we will likely have to deal with watching the next generation surpass us. Instead of being the smartest people in the room, we notice we are getting a bit slower and others are overtaking us. This is inevitable, but how do we deal with that? Do we try to hang on to the past or are we secure enough that we can pass on influence and authority to the next generation?

As we progress through the stages of life we can pretend we will stay young forever, but it is inevitable that this approach will eventually catch up with us. Even the great Apostle Paul wrestled with this in 2 Cor. 4. Yes, it is God’s power within us, but this does not mean we are not hard pressed on all sides and often feel perplexed and at times struck down. (2 Cor. 4:7-12). You can read the litany of his problems in his writings.

But Paul also wrote of another reality, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

As believers, we know that death is a mere transition from our life on this earth, to what will be our new reality. But this journey into the unknown happens to all of us only once, usually, and so there is no mulligan or dress rehearsal. We don’t get to practise first. It is a skill that we need to learn, which is why we may need a change of perspective and be proactive in assessing our situation and learning to adapt as we age. Of course, the adjustment is not always so easy, it can actually even be a bit frightening. Perhaps for the first time in our lives we may not feel in control of what is happening to us, as the changes keep coming.

Remember, Jesus’ words to Peter after he encourages him to keep on keeping on – to feed His sheep. Now, I know he was describing Peter’s death, but I think there is a wider application as we age. He says, “… when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” (John 21:18) Yup, the longer we live the more this will become a reality for each of us.

Grief and Loss

For some, recognizing they are entering this final stage of life, is triggered by a major crisis or traumatic events. As I mentioned, this is kind of what happened in my case. These crises or events usually confront us with the reality that we are in the final third of our lives. This can be really a challenge if we have not been incrementally dealing with the losses of life along the way. If we have been in denial by keeping busy with activities, friends, vacations, or even ministry, this can hit us like a ton of bricks. At some point we do have to deal with our issues or we will not finish our race with an attitude of grace and gratitude that Paul had. The danger is to get stuck and not be able to move forward to fulfill God’s purposes in our lives.

For others, they may only experience the need for minor readjustments as they run the last lap of their race. But regardless if it a traumatic experience, or gradual realization, it is an important during this season to reflect upon our lives, including any unwanted baggage we may have picked up along the way. Only then can we can move forward in a healthy way.

Over a lifetime, I realized that I had developed lots of strategies to deal with personal, organizational, and ministry issues, including setbacks and painful experiences, but I am not sure I was intentional enough in preparing for this last stage of my life. How about you? Have you been intentional in considering how you can finish this last leg of life? As we discuss some of the things I have learned in this process I am pretty sure that you will be able to identify with at least some of these lessons and be able to apply them in your life.

In his classic book, “Seasons of a Marriage,” Norman Wright explains that men seem to be more surprised by their mortality than women, almost as if life has played a dirty trick on them. He goes on to say that some men even create an interesting illusion about life. They equate work success as a means of protecting themselves from the eventuality of death. In the chase to keep death at bay, many continue to avoid the reality of their own demise. But in seeking success in whatever field, we discover that if we are avoiding this fundamental fear of death by just keeping busy, we will actually create greater tension for ourselves as we age.

Wright continues that, “in order to guard against this fear, many men just work harder, longer, faster, all in an effort to keep death at bay.” As we get closer to the end of our lives, how we view this transition will have a huge impact on how we run the race we have left. For those who throw themselves into their work or ministry in order to guard against the fear of no longer being relevant, there is the very real danger of blowing a gasket with the resulting physical and mental health outcomes.

In this series, we want to take some time to consider questions that will help us apply these principles in our own lives. You may wish to pause the episode at that point or do so at the end of the episode. So let’s pause at this point and consider a couple application questions:

What do you see in your life that indicate that you are facing a transitional stage in your journey?

What steps have you already taken to prepare for this?

Physical Realities

As we conclude this episode, let’s look at two issues that may help us recognize that we are in the last third of our journey. The first of these are Physical and Mental realities and the second are some Relational Indicators.

If you are following along in the notes we are now on the top of page three, looking at Physical Realities. It’s a fact of life that at some point we realize that we cannot take our body for granted. Perhaps you can still remembers those days when you could pull a few all nighters to get work done, and then not miss a beat the next day. Well, if you are anything like me, those days are in the rear view mirror! If I try to do that now, I need a couple days to recover. Yah, it’s a bit humbling getting older, isn’t it?

I am not sure when it happened for you, but I can still remember when I began to notice the ol’ body just didn’t function the same as it used to. To keep it going takes a bit more care and attention, kind of like with an old vintage car. Until we get our resurrected bodies, this is just a part of our physical existence that is not much fun. But as Paul encouraged us, “Do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Cor. 4:16). Elsewhere he says that while we are in this tent we groan and are burdened, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling. (2 Cor. 5:1-10). The reality is that we all will face this transition — from brown hair to gray hair, to no hair, to increasing belt and dress sizes, and perhaps even more serious health issues if we live long enough.

But in addition to the physical changes, it can be more concerning when we notice how aging begins to impact our mental capacity and memory. I remember the days when I used to be able to go down several rabbit trails in a message and always find my way back to the main point. However, I have now discovered that now if I get too far off my track, I can get in trouble. It is likely I’ll get that faraway look in my eye, which is me thinking, “Where in the world was I going with that!”

Now most of these new realities are not insurmountable, they happen to all of us and we take them in stride. But it would be a mistake to misjudge their accumulative impact on our capacity moving forward. To finish well adjustments will need to be made.

So where are you at? Consider:

What physical realities have you begun to notice and have you accepted these? How have they impacted your ability to do what you once did?

What steps do you think you can you take in order to slow the aging process and maintain a level of health?

Relational Realities

Now another indicator that we have entered this latter stage of life are the relational changes that occur during this time. Typically, our children are now adults and this brings about different challenges. This can be particularly painful if grown children are no longer following Jesus or are estranged from their parents.

It is also during this season that some couples decide to split up after 30 or 40 years together, which of course makes this time of life even more painful. The fact of the matter is that if we have not put the work in throughout the decades of our marriage, the relationship will likely run out of gas at this point. Once the kids are gone, and it is just you and your spouse again, one day you may look at that other person in the house and wonder, Who is that stranger? Though a challenge, it is not impossible to reconnect during this time. But it will take effort.

For others there is the pain of dealing with the “empty nest” of no children around. This can be somewhat mitigated by grandchildren, but it is a time of painful transition for some. All this requires redefining our family lifestyle. It is true that before we had children we were a family unit, and though children were a happy and welcome addition to our family, once they are gone we as a couple are still a family unit.

It might be good to make a few comments here about grown adult children. I have observed many parents who carry the burden of children who are not following the Lord. This is a pain that never really goes away, does it? But it is not helpful or healthy for parents of estranged children to unnecessarily beat themselves up, wallowing in shame and guilt over children that have left the faith. I think some of this guilt begins with a faulty theology based on a wrong interpretation of several biblical passages.

You know we read, “Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart when they are old.” (Prov. 22:6) thinking this is a proof text or guarantee. But it’s not, it’s a proverb, which by definition means that this is the way things normally go, but not a guarantee that things will always turn out sunshine and roses. God has given all of us, even our children, a free choice. Actually, love requires such a choice.

The fact of the matter is that many Christian parents, have done their best and trained up their child, and yet have nonetheless watched their grown children renounce their faith, fall into addictions, or choose alternate lifestyles. The pain they experience into their old age can be all consuming and overwhelming. But I think it’s important to be reminded that we are responsible TO our grown children – to pray and provide unconditional love – but we are not responsible FOR them or their choices. They are responsible for the choices they make as adults and often for your own health you have to allow them to make their choices, just like you did. Depending on the situation, you may even need to create boundaries in your life for our own ongoing health and well being.

There are a range of books on this topic from basic parenting strategies, to dealing with difficult situations when adult children are dealing with addictions, unhealthy, or even dangerous behavior. But spoiler alert, each of these books is more about you as a parent changing and learning new healthy ways of dealing with our adult children. I’ve listed a books on the screen for you to look at.

Of course, much more could be said on this, but it is worth mentioning that even the most perfect parent in the universe, God our Father, still has many wayward children. He did everything right and they have still chosen to reject his love. Actually, at one point we were there also. Love means giving someone the free will to make their own choices. While it may hurt deeply, you do not need to live under guilt and shame for the rest of your life. The “what if’s” and “could have’s” are endless. I would encourage you to accept God’s grace, we were not perfect. While we take ownership for how we may have contributed to their issues, we (and they) at some point acknowledge that we did our best.

You also may need to experience God’s grace if you have gone through the pain of the breakup of your marriage. Regardless if you decided to stay alone or enter a new relationship later in life, you will have a new set of challenges and issues to deal with. Sometimes this can be compounded as we age, but we will discuss this in greater depth in a later episode.

So as we wrap up this first episode, here are a couple more questions to consider:

What are you noticing about your relational and family situation during this season?

How is this affecting your health, your mental state, and your vision of your future moving forward?

In the next episode, we will look at two typical scenarios we face at this stage of life, disillusionment or apathy. What are some of the first steps we can take to move towards finding new meaning and purpose in this transition? I hope you’ll join me as we discuss this next time.

Finishing the Race: Series Intro

Video

Description

In this series we will be exploring how we can continue to have meaning and purpose as we enter the latter stages of our life. As the Apostle Paul neared the end of his life he wrote, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Tim 4:7) But what does it mean to “finish well,” and how do we accomplish this goal while navigating through all the twists and turns of life? In this series Phil will provide some principles and strategies to help us navigate these waters. Together we will evaluate where we have been, where we currently are, and then what God may still want to do in and through our lives.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

Podcast Resources

Consider Helping

Video Script

Finishing the Race: Series Intro

Welcome to another one of my podcast series. Regardless if this is your first series or if you are a frequent listener or viewer, thanks for joining me. In this series, which I’ve titled, Finishing the Race, we will be exploring how we can continue to have meaning and purpose as we enter the latter stages of our life.

Over many years of ministry, I have the privilege of living in other countries as well as travelling internationally, as I have taught leadership seminars, been involved in coaching ministry teams and doing consulting work with churches. It all came to a screeching halt when the pandemic hit and I was grounded like so many others. To say this was an adjustment and a shock to the system would be a understatement, to say the least.

Of course, I was aware that the day would come that I would not be able to travel internationally as much and I had been preparing for that. But the immediate change of lifestyle and having the face this reality sooner than I was expecting, really caught me a bit off guard. The good news is that some of the issues that I faced during that time resulted in this series. So this material is just not theory but what I also went through.

At that time, I was entering my fourth decade of ministry and my sixth decade of life and so that combined with some other issues I was going through, all culminated in a time of reflection and re-evaluation. So this material and these podcasts are a result of my own journey as I transitioned into what some have called the “Final Third of our productive lives.”

Finishing Well

As the Apostle Paul neared the end of his life he writes, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Tim 4:7) But what does it mean to “finish well,” and how do we accomplish this goal while navigating through all the twists and turns of life? In this series I hope to provide some principles and strategies that have helped me navigate these waters.

When we actually realize that we have more life behind us than in front of us, varies for all of us. For many of us, midlife was the first time we take stock and re-evaluated where we have been and where we are going. But regardless if you went through that in your midlife or not, it is likely that as you enter the last stage of your life, it will be a time of reflection and realignment.

Whenever we go through these transitions in our life stages, it can be rather disorientating as we have to reevaluate our priorities and adjust some of our expectations. This time of recalibration can actually be quite disruptive as it affects every area of our life — including our sense of identity.

As I read some of Paul’s other writings, it is clear that one of the purposes of our life here is preparation for our eternal home. Having meaning and purpose in this life is just the opening act in what God’s has planned for us. I don’t think any of us truly understand how our eternal life will in some way have a continuity with this life. Once I really grasped this, it provided even more motivation to finish this first stage of my race well. God’s plans for us here, I believe, connects our current life with our ultimate redemption when we spend eternity with Him.

Rediscovering Purpose

Each episode in the series is based on my workbook notes, which I think you will find helpful and can be downloaded from our website. We will begin by discussing some of the challenges of this latter stage of life. We will then take some time to reflect on how our journey thus far has impacted us, before then considering how we can adjust to the new realities of what the future may look like.

You may not feel you are quite there yet and so may wonder if this series is really for you. But you are not alone, I have done this in a retreat format and seminar setting and have had many participate who are in their mid life and even younger. They have commented on how helpful they found it as they prepare for the inevitable aging process. Maybe if more of us began preparing earlier, much of what we cover in this series would not even be necessary. So even if the “last third,” as some call it, is far away, or if for you it is just around the corner, I am sure you will find our discussions helpful.

Let me emphasize, “finishing the race” is not just about making it through this life so that we can make it to heaven where we can spend our days sitting on clouds and playing harps into eternity. Yah, that doesn’t seem very appealing to me either! But eternity will not be a time of doing nothing. Scripture is pretty clear that our life here is just the first, and the shortest, lap of our eternal life. It is just the first stage of a long never ending life full of exciting adventures and meaningful service in a place that God has created for us.

But before then, we need to finishing our earthly race well. This lap of the race really matters. My hope is that in our time together you will pick up some life strategies that will enable you to reach that goal. In our time together we will evaluate where we have been, where we currently are, and then what God still wants to do in and through our lives.

So I hope that you will join me on this journey as we discover how we can Finish our Race with meaning and purpose.