Description
In our last episode we opened up our series by considering the realities of entering this last lap of our race and the importance of facing these head on in order to maintain meaning and purpose in life. We looked at both physical and relational markers on our journey and this time we want to look at the reality of regret. As you reflect on your life, do you have regrets? Are they so intense that they jeopardize your future? This time we want to discuss two typical scenarios that people face as they age. As people reflect on how their life has gone, they will either find themselves regretful and disillusioned or apathetic and bored. We will either feel that life has treated us poorly, or we may feel that we have had a pretty good run and so the future will never be as bright as the past.
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Video Script
Episode 2 Intro: Disillusioned or Apathetic
In our last episode we opened up our series by considering the realities of entering this last lap of our race and the importance of facing these head on in order to maintain meaning and purpose in life. We looked at both physical and relational markers on our journey and this time we want to look at the reality of regret. As you reflect on your life, do you have regrets? Are they so intense that they jeopardize your future? This time we want to discuss two typical scenarios that people face as they age. As people reflect on how their life has gone, they will either find themselves regretful and disillusioned or apathetic and bored. We will either feel that life has treated us poorly, or we may feel that we have had a pretty good run and so the future will never be as bright as the past.
The Reality or Regret
If you are following along in the workbook, we are going to be on pages 4-6 in this episode. In our last episode we looked at the physical and relational realities that we typically face during this time of life. But another gnawing reality that can hit us during this season is regret. By this stage of life we have typically lived long enough to regret some of the experiences we have had or gone through. While this is inevitable, if we do not deal with these regrets they can really cripple us moving forward. I wonder, Do you have peace or are you filled with regrets over situations in your personal life or in your career or ministry?
As he reflected on his life and failures, which by the way included murder and adultery, just to name the top two, King David wrote “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.” (Psa. 38:4) Perhaps you feel like that over some situations in your life. Regrets can blind us to the possibilities of the future, or if we even have a future. In chapter forty David continues that his troubles are without number and his sins have overtaken him, to the point that his heart was failing within him (Psa. 40:12).
Some of our regrets, like David, are due to bad choices we have made, but they could also just be a result of the way things in our lives turned out. Regret is usually under the surface and can stay there gnawing at us for years. It can then be expressed in other emotions, such as anger or depression. Forgiving ourselves and others is the only way we can move beyond it. Throughout our lives, if we have not been “taking out the trash,” so to speak, it is likely that these regrets may have accumulated and become overwhelming. This is why it is crucial that we address these issues and come to a place of peace so we can move forward.
Receiving Forgiveness and Restoration
John reassures us that even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything (1 Jn. 3:20). The writer of the Hebrews offers some real hope, “let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience. .” (Heb 10:22).
While we cannot go back and change the past events, we can take them to the Lord and leave them at the cross. We can then move on and not choose to not dwell on these mistakes and regrets of the past. Failing to do this will mean regret will consume us and eat away at our future. It’s so important that we learn to accept God’s grace for us as we forgive ourselves and others. This will free us, but it only happens as we make the choice to gain a new perspective on our past. Spending time with the Lord and meditating in His Word will position us to healed by him.
The good news is that we are not alone in this. There have been many imperfect men and women throughout the pages of Scripture that illustrate our need to receive God’s forgiveness and restoration. Men like Moses, David, Jacob or even the Apostles Peter and Paul. As we read Paul’s epistles, it does not take much imagination to envision what he must have had to overcome to go from being a persecutor of Christians to planting churches and a key leader among these same Christians. I guarantee you he had a few regrets he had to get over with the help of the Lord.
If we take the time to do this during this stage of life we will find new strength to finish our race. It is not a successful strategy to just work harder or ignore past pain. While we may have been able to pull this off during our younger years, we will find this increasingly difficult the older we become. To finish our race we will need to deal with the issue of past regrets in our lives, trusting that God was and is in control of our life. He is still all about exchanging beauty for our ashes.
At this point let’s take a few moments and reflect on our own lives:
Do you have regrets about how things went in life? Be honest with yourself and your spouse about the things from life that have disappointed you and caused you to live with regret.
Have you taken the time to bring them honestly to the Lord and allow him to heal your heart? Again, take some time in the Word and with the Lord to allow him to heal these hurts.
Two Scenarios: Disillusionment
At this stage of life, we will either find ourselves disillusioned with the way life has gone, or we may find ourselves bored and apathetic as we have accomplished most of our goals and expectations. Each of these have their own dangers and challenges.
It is inevitable that by this point in our lives we likely will have to accept that certain dreams we had when we were younger will not be accomplished. It may have been dreams as to how our family was going to turn out, or what we were going to accomplish in our professional or ministry life. Dealing with the unrealized dreams can create a deep sense of disappointment and even depression. Sometimes we are not even aware of what is gnawing on our insides. We go to bed with a heaviness and wake up with that same weight on our souls in the morning, assuming we sleep at all!
There are many reasons why dreams do not get fulfilled. Let’s face it, some of our dreams were just fanciful ideas with no basis in reality. Yet other dreams we had maybe were legit, but perhaps as we aged we realized that they were not for us, but for others to accomplish. This is the beauty of mentoring, our dreams outlive us and have continuity to what God is doing in the next generation. If you want to take a deeper dive into the whole art of mentoring check out my Mentoring Intelligence podcast and materials.
Remember the dream that was initially given to Abraham, that he would be the father of a might nation? But it was nowhere near being fulfilled in his lifetime. It was only following generations who began to see it’s fulfillment. But in order to regain meaning during this latter season of our life, it is important we deal with the grief of lost or unrealized dream. As we re-evaluate those dreams and rediscover God’s real purpose for us, we can resolve this inward pain and live of life of faith and passion.
Sometimes our experiences may be similar to that of the Apostle Paul. He had wanted to go back to Asia, but in a dream was thwarted by God. After several other attempts, he eventually went to Macedonia, which as it turned out, was God’s ultimate plan anyway. (Acts 16:6-15). Even when he finally gets to Rome, it does not seem to turn out the way he intended. I am sure preaching to Caesar by being under arrest was not his plan A. Yet he eventually gained new perspective as to why he was in chains. He saw his life and experiences through the lens of God’s perspective. (Phil. 1:12-18). Nor sure about you, but this is where I want to get to in my life, seeing it all from God’s perspective.
Unfortunately, this was not always the case during our younger, more ambitious years. I am sure we can all identify with having plans that we tried to make happen in our own strength. If this has been a habit pattern, now is a good time to adjust and change. Instead of just keeping busy with life and work, we can learn to listen to what God’s direction is for us. Without this attitude, we’ll likely never gain God’s perspective as to what he is doing in our lives. During this season we can have confidence that God has been leading and guiding our lives and is making all things work out for our good(Rom. 8:28).
If we allow him, God will cut away those things that have held us back and graciously prepare us for future effectiveness, even in the latter years of our life. We can be prepared for even greater effectiveness as we realign your priorities and allow him to prune us during this transitional time of life. (Job 42:12; Haggai 2:4-9).
Let’s take a few moments and consider:
What dreams of yours have not been fulfilled? How are you dealing with the reality that they may never be fulfilled as you envisioned they would be?
On an emotional level, do you believe that God is good and has directed every aspect of your life? Are you willing to allow him to prune you during this time, even if it is painful?
Two Scenarios: Apathetic/Bored
On the other hand, instead of being disillusioned, you may have had most of your dreams fulfilled. Life may have exceeded your expectations. It was not perfect, but as you look back at your life you may not have many regrets and may feel like you had a pretty good run.
If this is where you find yourself, the danger on the other side of the road is the ditch of boredom or apathy. You may have begun to notice that activities that used to energize you and fill you with meaning no longer do. Those who arrive with this frame of mind at the stage of life, tend to feel a loss of meaning and purpose for the future. You may even feel that your best days are behind you. The result is the same as those who are disillusioned. We are in danger of losing hope that God still has a purpose for our life.
While there are many reasons that this happens, it always results in a feeling of emptiness. Even if we are continue with our career or ministry, there is no more joy and no sense of meaning in our daily life. Instead of having energy and joy, we can feel emotionally and physically worn out. At times we may even wonder what purpose there is to carry on.
The danger of spending a lifetime of gaining fulfillment from achievements, is that this can become addictive. We don’t notice we were addicted, until we find ourselves no longer have that influence, responsibility, or position. What gives us meaning when we can no longer achieve as we once did? We may have even taught others that true satisfaction only comes from union with Christ, but we may have been so busy working for God that we did not apply these truths to our own life.
As Peter, in the face of others clothing us and leading us where we do not want to go, will we still love Jesus and feed his sheep? (John 21:18)
As we conclude this episode, let’s consider some questions that may have led us down a path of unhealth. When it comes to our personal and relational health,
How many hours per week do you work?
How much time have you taken off in the last three years?
Do you have a hobby that is unrelated to your work or ministry? Do you exercise?
How much time do you spend with your wife per week?
Do you feel guilty when you take time to rest and not think about the ministry?
When it comes to our relationship with the Lord,
How much quiet time do you spent with the Lord (not including time spent in preparation for ministry to others)?
Putting it all together,
What do your answers indicate regarding your health and balance in life and ministry?
As you consider your present situation, do you tend to be disillusioned or apathetic?
Have your dreams not come true or have you done more than you thought you would? How do you think this will impact your future?
The goal of this study is to give you tools to regain joy and meaning as you rediscover the purposes that God still has for your life. As long as we are on this earth, he is not done with us. He wishes to continue to give us meaning everyday as we walk hand in hand with him on this journey. Our journey will culminate as we make our final transition from our present reality to our new eternal one. Join me next time as we discuss some of the initial steps we can take to achieve this meaning in our lives.