Description
At this stage of life it is likely that you have had to say goodbye to friends and family members, and attending more than your fair share of memorials and funerals. You may have even had to bear the grief of burying children or a spouse. While we may not grieve as those who have no hope, we still do need to grieve. As we age, the reality is that we will experience these losses with greater frequency. This makes us consider our own mortality as we see many of our peers leaving us to finish our race on our own. Now for us, death has lost its sting and we know there will be a final reunion, but we still have to learn to navigate the reality of loss during this season of life.
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Video Script
Episode 8 Intro: Losses of Life
At this stage of life it is likely that you have had to say goodbye to friends and family members, and attending more than your fair share of memorials and funerals. You may have even had to bear the grief of burying children or a spouse. While we may not grieve as those who have no hope, we still do need to grieve. As we age, the reality is that we will experience these losses with greater frequency. This makes us consider our own mortality as we see many of our peers leaving us to finish our race on our own. Now for us, death has lost its sting and we know there will be a final reunion, but we still have to learn to navigate the reality of loss during this season of life.
Deep Loss
Suffering loss is inevitable during the last third of our lives. While we have all likely experienced some death and loss when we were younger, it seems to be more sobering when those dying around us are our age and younger. Instead of just laying older Grandpas and Grandmas to rest, the people at memorials are our age and those we have typically shared life with.
In order to move forward, it is so important that we go through the grieving process. While everyone does this in a slightly different way, everyone who has suffered deep loss needs to go through the stages of denial, anger, asking the why questions, but then eventually coming to an acceptance of our new reality without that person in our lives. The alternative to this healthy process is to just drown our sorrows with busyness or some other substitute. But we need to find those we can confide in and free ourselves from some daily responsibilities for a time, so that we can go through the grieving process.
Of course, we do not need to fear this transition to our new home, for as we face death we know that death has been defeated by Jesus (Heb. 2:14-15; 1 Cor. 15:54-57). We have the promise that, “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Rom. 8:38-39).
Paul dealt with this same reality and came to this conclusion, “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Phil. 1:20-21) As long as he give us breath he has a purpose for us and then one day he will wipe every tear from our eyes (Rev. 21:4) and so we do not need to fear (Psa. 46:1-3), but rather look forward to a day when there will be no more sorrow, worry or pain.
As you reflect on your own situation:
If you have experience such a deep loss have you taken the time to go through the grieving process? Evaluate if you have become “stuck” from a previous grief that was never processed.
Irresolvable Pain and Sorrow
In the book of Romans, Paul admits “I have great sorrow and unceasingly anguish in my heart,” (Rom. 9:2). He was reflecting on those he was called to serve, but for many reasons we can experience deep irresolvable pain that never seems to go away. This could be due to being misunderstood for doing the right thing, having relationships that cannot be reconciled, or perhaps a lack of future opportunity due to acting according to our principles and values.
The list could also include the pain of a wayward adult child, ongoing health issues with us or someone close to us. Over time, these stresses can cloud our own joy and peace and even affect our calling. These sorrows cannot just be prayed away for they are typically a pain that continue to linger for years. Solomon knew this level of pain, he says, “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief. (Prov. 14:13; 15:13)
But Paul understood that this pain and suffering can have an eternal purpose. Actually without this perspective, it seems meaningless and just cruel and unusual punishment (Rom 8:18-27). During this season of life, pain can serve to help us develop a deeper relationship with God. Instead of trying to find purpose in activities just to keep busy or drown our sorrows – which by the way can include ministry activities – we can use the pain can lead us to pursuing God in a deeper way. We can learn to replace ambition (even ambition for doing things for God), with the desire to know God. Pain and sorrow is great teacher of this truth (1 Pet. 4:1-2).
Paul: A Case Study
Arguably the greatest early church leader, Paul, had a painful experience that would not go away. We read about this in 2 Cor. 12:7-9. Paul pleaded three times to the Lord to take away this “thorn in his flesh,” but eventually God said that he was not going to take it away, but instead would give grace to Paul to live with it. Not sure if you have something like this in your life, but I can identify with Paul in having in accept certain painful realities that are not going anyway any time soon. As Paul, I have needed God’s grace to accept these as a gift from God to make me more like Jesus.
Paul had a pretty high pain tolerance and so it seems this “thorn” was no small thing. We too may have certain problems that don’t go away, even after years of prayer. As Paul, we can learn that God’s grace will be sufficient. The greatest lesson we can learn from these times is humility (Rom. 12:3; James 4:10). Our gifting, or ministry strengths, are the very things that can lead us to pride and self-sufficiency. Over a lifetime of doing ministry it is easy to think we can do it in our own power or at least rely on our skills, gifting and experience. But like Paul, this “thorn” is a gift from God to keep us humble and tethered to God.
Once we realize this, we can, like Paul, delight in our weakness. It serves to remind us that when we are weak we are strong in Him (1 Cor. 1:27). Pain that does not go away can be used by God to show his power to others through our broken lives. As Paul wrote, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10) I can’t say I am totally there yet, with Paul, but God is still working on me and this remains my goal.
God’s ultimate plan is to make us into the image of his Son. Then our lives will benefit others and bring glory to God, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:16-18).
So how about you,
Is there something that you have prayed God would take away? Meditate on these scriptures and others in order to gain God’s perspective on your situation.
Do you have certain strengths that could lead you to pride and self-reliance? Can you see how your pain can keep you humble and close to God?
The Dark Night of the Soul
While the natural rhythm of life is full of ups and downs, good times and not so great times, every once in a while we may go through a valley so deep we are not sure we will ever get back up above the clouds. We may not be burned out or experienced a moral failure, and our relationship with God and others may be healthy. If this is the case, it is likely that what we are experiencing is a good old fashion test of our faith. God purpose in this season is to prepare us to fulfill our calling and faithfully finishing the race he has set out for us.
David in the twenty third Psalm writes, “. . .though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death . ..” We have likely experienced several valleys during our lives, but during our latter season of life such an experience may catch us by surprise as we think we have learned enough lesson already. In Luke 22:31-32 Jesus tells Peter that Satan had asked to “sift him as wheat.” This sounds a bit like what happened to Job in the Old Testament doesn’t it when the enemy asked to touch Job’s idyllic life. In both cases, notice that God gave the go ahead, he never said no. Instead, he promised Peter that he would pray for his faith to be strong, with the eventual goal of him being able to then strength others.
We may have to go through these dark nights of the soul, but Jesus promised to be with us and actual be an advocate for us. Just like the disciples in the boat, he is with us and promises to take us to the other side. It is important to remember that disruption and testing is not the same as destruction. God is not wanting to destroy us, but to continue his work of making us more like him. As we turn to him during this time and return to the disciplines of our first love he will in time restore us and we will come through the other side able to better empathize and serve others.
As we conclude these episodes on the challenges that may face us, how about you:
Have you, or are you, experiencing a dark night of the soul? How would you explain to someone else what you are going through?
Study Luke 22:31-32 and how this applies to your situation? Meditate on the fact that Jesus is praying for you so that your faith will not fail and that you will be able to help many others through this experience.
Embracing Suffering
Perhaps as we close this episode and turn the corner in our discussion towards how to rebuild our vision and passion, I could make a few comments on suffering. If you have hung with me over the last few episodes, you are probably a gluten for punishment or at least are not scared away by some difficult topics. It is clear from Scripture that in this world we will have troubles and suffer (1 Pet. 4:12; John 16:33).
But suffering does not mean we are out of God’s will, rather that we have an enemy who is seeking to hinder us from finishing our race. Many Scriptures indicate that we will go through periods of suffering for our faith and the sake of the Gospel (Phil 1:29; 1 Pet 2:21; Acts 14:22; James 1:2). Yet we receive comfort and experience God in a special way during suffering. He shapes our character and even keeps us from greater disaster, something we usually only appreciate years later. During suffering he also corrects our wrong thinking, he lead us to repentance, he develops humility and compassion in us, and makes us more like Jesus.
Discipline is not something we look forward to, but it is God’s way to mold us into who he wants us to be. (1 Pet. 1:6-7) It is often painful and disruptive, yet works the peaceable fruit of righteousness. Pain causes growth if we view it from the right perspective. This process does not end just because we are older. Until God takes us to be with him, he will continue to provide opportunities for us to grow. His goal is that we will faithfully finish the race he has given us. But we must choose to embrace this process even as we age. We need to come to terms with our suffering and accept it as a blessing from God. (Rom. 8:28).
As you finish your race what areas of suffering do you need to learn to embrace?
In the last few episodes we have discussed various obstacles and challenges that face us during life and particularly issues we deal with in our final third of our lives. You probably didn’t identify with all of them, but hopefully some of my comments were helpful in assisting you as you move forward to finish your race well.
In the next few episodes we are going to discover some of the principles and values necessary to do this. I don’t intent to reinvent the wheel here, but I think you will find these reminders helpful as you apply them to your own life. We will look at them within the context of the latter season of our lives and ministry. I am looking forward to continuing our discussion together and hope you’ll be able to join me again.