Description
In this fifth episode in the Mentoring Intelligence Series, Phil shares the key five characteristics a needs to exemplify to be an effective mentor after the model of Jesus. These include focusing on people and not position, releasing rather than controlling, being vulnerable and accountable and developing others rather than just gathering a following. These are all based on a servant leadership model which is necessary to mentor others. Life and ministry is a marathon and not a sprint and these attributes will help the leader finish the race well. Without this attitude and corresponding behaviours, it is likely what the leader will burn out, blow out or just fizzle out.
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Video Script
Episode 5 Intro: Applying Servant Leadership
We have been discussing the heart of a mentor and have realized that biblical leadership is based upon Jesus upside down Kingdom. He modeled how different leadership was to be from the institutions in which we as the Church – the people of God — are embedded. So this is a heart transformation issue for all Christian leaders. Otherwise we tend to gravitate towards power based, ego driven leadership, rather than servant leadership. But what does servant leadership really look like in practical terms in our lives and organizations? That is the topic of this episode.
Five Leadership Characteristics
Now before we get too deep into the episode, I would like to just encourage you to take advantage of the free assessments we have provided. These are a tool to help us reflect on our own life, as well as spark a discussion with someone that we are mentoring or being mentored by. The servant leadership assessment uses questions to get at the heart of what we have been talking about the last couple episodes and there are two Mentoring Assessments. One is for you as an the individual and helps you to discover what your current Mentoring Quotient is…..but don’t worry, wherever we are at we can always grow as this is a learned skill. There is also a Mentoring Assessment for Organizations, which addresses the need to change our ministry wineskins if we are going to create environments conducive to mentoring types of relationships. To download them just use the link in the description box and I hope you will find them helpful for you and your team members.
So, we have been talking about the lofty Kingdom values of this upside down leadership, but what does that look like in our everyday life and ministry? As I mentioned before, NOT too many people are going to argue against the concept of servant leadership, but walking it out is where it gets difficult for most of us. Yet without some practical application the danger is that it will just be theological truth we agree with. What does it really look like? My list here is not exhaustive, but I’d like to share five leadership characteristics that I believe need to be evident in a mentor’s life.
1. Relationship versus Position
As we saw last time, Jesus’ model of leadership had little to do with title and position. Kingdom leadership is about relationship versus position. The reality is that we can use our gifts and calling to influence others to see them succeed even beyond us. We don’t have to be the cork in the bottle! It’s about developing others, not creating a hierarchy where we are in control. As I mentioned last time, top-down leadership, with its focus on power and control eventually implodes upon itself.
At the end of the day, people don’t want to be controlled, people want to be developed and released to fulfill their potential. That is why it has a short shelf life. People may celebrate the strong man/woman in the beginning (remember, We want a King like the other nations) but eventually this gets old, because it becomes all about the leader serving themselves and increasing , not decreasing so others may increase. Kind of wears people out.
Flattening the Learning Curve
As this relates to mentoring, instead of being threatened or jealous, mentors should celebrate mentoree’s success. Now just a quick side note, I use the term, “mentoree” not “mentee” – for no deep theological reason, I just like the way it sounds and have used it for the last 25 years…..of course use whatever you like, protégé, mentee.
Our goal is to flatten the learning curve of the person we are mentoring, so that they will not have to make all the same mistakes we did….remember we all have to make our own mistakes, but none of us have a long enough life (even if we live to 100) to make all the mistakes possible. This is why we need mentors who have walked the road ahead of us. The goal is to help those we mentor mature in less time than it took us. Often though, existing leaders have the mentality, “It took me twenty years to get to where I am, I am going to make sure it take you at least that long!”
“Going to School” on Someone
For you armchair golfers out there, let me use a golfing analogy. For example, we talk about “going to school” on someone else’s putt. If the path of my ball is close to my opponent, and they are ahead of me, I can get behind them (I don’t recommend getting in front of them!), and watch them putt and see how their ball reacts to the slope, the grain of the grace and so on. It’s called “going to school” on their putt. I like that. In life, I am always looking for those I can go to school on, those who are ahead of me in some area of life or ministry. Clearly, power based leaders are too threatened to open their lives for others to learn from, which is why it is unlikely that they will mentor anyone. Why would they want to allow you to go to school on their life….they want to keep that a secret so that they can either impress you or maybe keep you in your place.
2. Releasing versus Controlling others
Another Characteristic of mentors is a willingness to open doors for others, not close them. Mentoring is all about releasing not controlling others. However if we have the wrong understand of leadership, we will feel threatened in our position and so will fight to keep it — kind of like children playing who is King of the hill. A pyramid structure of leadership fosters this attitude. These type of leaders have never allowed the Lord to break them of their pride, ego and ambition. Like I mentioned before, not the type of person I want to be mentored by.
A servant leader though never has to fight in their own wisdom and strength for what God has given them. The reality is that someone can take our position, church or organization….but it is impossible for them to take our ministry or influence. Once we realize this, we don’t have to fight to keep our position or place in the Body. Now, full disclosure, I still have printed business cards, I know some of you may not even know what these are, they are kind of a left over from the 20th century. But on my card it states our organization, my name, and title, President and even a PhD behind my name. Very impressive.
So every morning when I wake up and am figuring out what to do for the day, do I have to refer to the card? You know, look at it read my title and position and then think ….ah yes I should do something befitting a president with a doctorate today! No, not really, actually I don’t even use these any more. The card is a reflection of what I do, not the driver or motivation of what I do.
Mixing up Position with Function
If we get position and function backwards, we’ll expend lots of energy and fight to keep our position. But as I said, someone can wrestle the organization and even my title from me (trust me it has been tried)…..but what would I do the next morning. Likely the same thing I have always done….write, teach, invest in others….you see these things are who I am, I don’t need a position or title to do them. People can take our church or our organization, but they can never take away your God-given ministry. Once we realize this, we will never need to feel threatened and have to fight to keep what God has given us.
This means holding the trappings of leadership loosely. If we hold them too tightly we will likely hinder the development of the next generation rather than releasing them. This is particularly true as we age and fear becoming obsolete and irrelevant. How many leaders do we know who out of fear are not letting go? If we mentor others throughout our life and release them, as with my discussion regarding true authority, we will never run out of a meaningful function – even if we no longer have a title or business card! That should all be kind of irrelevant for the ministry God has given us.
3. Vulnerable and Authentic versus Pride
A third characteristic of a mentor is to be we willing to be vulnerable as we authentically live out our lives and minister to others. Last episode we went into detail on this point but just a reminder here, Paul taught us in Phil. 2 to follow Jesus’ example and take on the nature of a servant. Peter followed this up by teaching us that it is our responsibility to humble ourselves….we must step off the throne, even if others are chanting, “We want a King like the other nations!”
Jesus’ impressive authority was balanced by his equally impressive vulnerability. It’s interesting that it is said of Jesus, that he made of himself no reputation – he was not too concerned about what others thought of him. If you missed the last episode on this topic it might be worth going back and listening to it. Not sure about you, but I need to almost daily be reminded of this! The old fallen man keeps raising his proud, wizened head! I don’t want to make it sound like it is easy to pull this off, it’s not. As we saw last time, without Christ living within its impossible and even with his help we may have to fight the battle between the old and new man that Paul talked about, for the rest of our lives.
Risky Leadership
I probably should also mention at this point that this type of leadership is pretty risky. You don’t have to look any further than what happened to Jesus. Betrayed by a close confidant, misunderstood, his reputation in tatters, oh ya, and then he dies an humiliating death by his enemies on a cross. None of that sounds like fun or particularly grand leadership activities. Yes, it’s a risk to step off the podium and take up our cross, particularly dying to our own ego and pride! But that is exactly where Jesus is asking us to join him.
But I would suggest that the flip side is also true. It is a real risk to our physical and emotional health and spirituality to hide who we are behind achievements, titles, positions and even pseudo-spirituality. In that scenario, we have to hide our faults, weaknesses and even failures….living a rather artificial existence. And because we were never meant to live like that, it eventually falls apart. In time the cracks show and if we have not humbled ourselves — others, circumstances, or our own weaknesses will do the job for us. My experience is that’s usually a lot more painful. Not allowing others to put us on a pedestal saves us from a spectacular fall someday.
4. Accountability versus Independence
The danger for many leaders, and actually all of us, is to avoid accountability at all costs. You see it is accountability with others that will keep our feet firmly tethered to reality so that we can focus on people not our position or accomplishments. It is accountability that will help us stay vulnerable and authentic. Bobby Clinton’s classic leadership study years ago indicated that 70% of leaders do not finish their race well.
This race of life is a marathon not a sprint. I think I’ve mentioned that when I started out, I thought it was more of a sprint. I was 17 when I went to college and man was I going to change the world. Well most of my 20s were spent on the proverbial shelf….I had the training, was ready to go, but God seemed to forget where I was. And for the record, his school is much tougher than any schooling I have been through. I was ready to change the world and make my mark but God was more interested in changing me. This did not happen on a sandy beach, but exiled to doing construction, mostly in rain, on the west coast, oh yes, and sprinkled with a generous dose of personal tragedies. If you are interested in some of those stories, you can get our book, Roads less Travelled.
Life a Marathon – Not a Sprint
I am sure like me, you have also noticed that life is more of a marathon. Everyone starts the race, but not everyone finishes it with their faith or sanity intact! That is why we have to willing to enroll in God’s school, the curriculum is tailor made for each of us. It is there where he forms us into the person who has the character that can handle our giftings and authority, without spiritually abusing others or making it all about us. As we discussed last time, authority in the Kingdom does not make us aloof or distant from others, but rather willing to lay our lives down for others, as Jesus modelled for us. That takes more than gifting, that takes character….which takes a lifetime to develop. God is more concerned with who I become than what I can do for him.
But to develop accountable relationships, we have to be intentional….they just don’t happen because we get out of bed in the morning. The wise leader will not wait until the waters of crisis are upon them before developing such relationships. Now this takes more than just being part of a small group that talks about sports….or even theology. As me, I am sure you know leaders who have fallen morally – or some other way – and yet many of them we discover we even part of a small group. How can this be?
Being Real with Others
Like learning to preach without walking the walk during the week, it’s easy to get proficient at looking accountable, but not really be open to others speaking into our lives and allowing them to really hold us accountable. Do you have someone, besides your spouse, who can ask you the tough questions? If not you are on real dangerous ground as a person and as a leader. I have a few guys in my life who I give the permission to ask me the tough questions of even my personal life. While this is not always comfortable, the alternative is much more dangerous.
We are all imperfect, so we may as well own it, accepting God’s grace and the grace of a few trusted others. This is a safety for me and I would encourage you to cultivate this same safety net in our life. It is the only way to finish the race well. A couple years ago I wrote a personal study on Finishing the Race and if you would like to go through that you can download it from our website. You can also check out that podcast series as it is available. Are we fostering accountable relationships in our lives as a preventative measure for ourselves as well as those we lead? Remember, it’s too late to dig a well once we start to feel thirsty.
5. Developing Others versus Gathering a Following
A fifth and final characteristic of effective mentors that we will look at today, was also touched upon last time a little bit, but let me expound. This has to do with developing others, versus just trying to gather a greater following for ourselves. This is what I always have found interesting about Jesus’ ministry. He only had a short time – about three years — but instead of focussing on developing a following or gathering crowds, he took a very unconventional approach to leadership.
In John chapter 6 we see Jesus feeding the 5000 and the food was so good that that they wanting to make him King on the spot! I wonder how many of us would have willingly consented, I mean perfect timing, right, there is a crowd and they want us. But as was his habit, Jesus disappears into the mountains by himself. Later on that night he walks across the lake only for the crowd to follow him the next day. In 6:26 He tells them that really all they are after is the free food, not relationship with him. He saw right through their motivation.
He then continues by explaining that he is the Bread of Life and then ended with the rather cryptic verse 51, “This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” Of course this started a firestorm of arguments by his Jewish listeners. In classic fashion though, Jesus, instead of trying to clear things up and settle things down, he makes it worse by saying, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood you have no life in you.” I am sure at this point, Peter was doing the first century equivalent of rolling his eyes. Really Jesus, How are we going to get a movement going if you keep driving people away. Don’t you know the first thing about marketing and Creating a Movement 101?
Jesus Goes Deeper not Wider
Sure enough, the inevitable happened in verse 60, “On hearing it, many of his disciples said, This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” Again, instead of clearing things up, Jesus doubles down in the next few verses, seemingly making things worse. In verse 66, “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” These were followers, not just fringe bystanders. He then turns to the twelve and asked them if they too want to go. Of course Peter, likely still a bit shaken himself from the turn of events, offers less than a ringing endorsement, “Lord, to whom shall we go?” Thanks Peter. Interesting response from Jesus though, “Yes I have chosen you, but don’t get too full of yourself, he seems to be saying, for after all, one of you is a devil….and maybe not sure about the rest of you…..”
A Great Long Game
Throughout his ministry there were times when it looked like Jesus could have capitalized on his popularity to really become a person of influence….you know for the good of the Kingdom of course. Instead, over and over, he not only does not seize the moment, but actually works counter to becoming the Messiah we hope he is. Jesus was never enamoured by the crowds, he was the opposite of a co-dependent leader. I would suggest that his focus was on developing leaders – the disciples – never focused on gathering a following. Kind of lousy short term plan, actually, but a great long game. In the Kingdom, successful leadership is measured by how many others we develop, not how many followers we may have at any given time. Something every pastor has to remind themselves every Monday morning.
The application to our own ministries is painfully obvious isn’t it? How much time do we invest in developing others versus how much time do we spend trying to have a bigger ministry. Of course, we rationalize that it’s all for the Kingdom, we need to get the message out right? The world needs the Good News right? But Jesus never seemed too concerned about that. He always went deeper, before he went wider. Imagine what the church would be like today if we were more like this.
So there you have it, five characteristics of a mentor, all based on Kingdom values. With this foundation, next time we want to begin to drill down into the actual mentoring process, which will occupy most of our remaining episodes. I am looking forward to and.. as always, I hope you’ll join me.
Some Leadership Matters to Consider
But before then, I’d like to leave you a few leadership matters to consider:
In your role as a leader, do you release ministry or try to keep others under your control? How does your approach affect your ability to mentor?
Do you have authentic, accountable relationships? Is there someone, besides your spouse, to whom you can be completely honest and knows how you are personally doing?
Is most of your time spent developing others or building a bigger ministry. Gathering followers or investing in the non-Urgent task of mentoring others? How would your priorities and values need to change to follow Jesus’ model?