Description

It seems amazing to me that the one inevitability in life is aging, and yet it is the one thing we want to avoid and don’t really want to talk about it or make preparation. I wonder if this describes your attitude? Have you taken time to reflective on what you have been through in life – the good, the bad and the ugly – and considered how it has made you who you are? Have you considered changes that you need to make as you enter the last third of your productive life? De-nile may be a river in Egypt, but if we camp there things usually don’t turn out well. So this series we will discuss some of these issues and then offer some steps that I think you’ll find helpful on your own journey of finishing the race that God has given you.

If you find the content of this episode useful, it would really help us reach more people if you click the Like and Subscribe for this episode on Youtube.

Check out our full list of Finishing the Race videos.

To view all of our series, visit our LEADERSHIPmatters Podcast page.

Podcast Resources

Listeners of this Leadershipmatters podcast may want to download the “Finishing the Race” workbook.  If you would like any of our other materials go to our Resources page. These are available in several languages.

Consider Helping

The majority of our work training new leaders in the church is international. In many cases, they cannot afford the material themselves. Please considering helping us reach those who can’t afford the resources by donating today.

Video Script

Episode 1 Intro: Denial is not a Strategy

Well, How are you doing? I know we use that line as a greeting without really expecting a response. But I really mean it, How are you doing at this stage of your life? It seems amazing to me that the one inevitability in life is aging,  and yet it is the one thing we want to avoid and don’t really want to talk about it or make preparation. I wonder if this describes your attitude?  Have you taken time to reflective on what you have been through in life – the good, the bad and the ugly – and considered how it has made you who you are? Have you considered changes that you need to make as you enter the last third of your productive life? De-nile may be a river in Egypt, but if we camp there things usually don’t turn out well. So this series we will discuss some of these issues and then offer some steps that I think you’ll find helpful on your own journey of finishing the race that God has given you.

Life Context

At some point along our journey we come face to face with our own mortality. For some this occurs as a result of a dramatic event and for others it happens more gradually as they age. The Psalmist reflect on the brevity of life when he prayed, “Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth;  the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.” (Psa. 39:4-5). In the New Testament, James describes our life on this earth as but a mist in light of eternity (James 4:14).

Now this can seem rather depressing, particularly if you believe that our life here is all there is. If that would be the case, “living for today” and “getting all we can out of this life” would makes perfect sense. However, as believers we have a hope in a future that transcends our short life here. Paul puts it like this, “Do you not know that in a race all runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” (1 Cor. 9:24-27). He seems to be making the point that our life here is important in light of eternity and so it matters how we run the race.

As we know, life expectancy in most societies has increased since those days, but even 100 years is not much in light of eternity. But this longevity means that current generations are dealing with more and varied stages of life. We are dealing with issues that previous generations did not have to deal with. At a time when we have the luxury of re-evaluating our lives, most in previous generations were already dead. So, depending upon the life expectancy in your society, life stages and transitions may happen at different times and could look quite different, but there will be transitions and stages.

Ideally this latter stage of life should be characterized by a time of self-assessment, reflecting upon our journey thus far and how we can prepare for what God may still have for us in the future. So in the first few episodes of this series we will begin by looking at some of the  issues that often surface during this time and then discuss ways we can recalibrate our lives to finish our race with passion and purpose.

Of course, as we get older, we realize we have less life in front of us than we have behind us. But if we don’t take intentional steps to adapt and adjust, it is possible to not finish our race well. And how we finish our race here has implication as we prepare for the eternal plans and purposes that God has for us. All this talk of our eternal home can be seen as some as a kind of escapism or maybe a lack of engaging in this life.

But the biblical authors did not hold that view. They actually talked a lot about our eternal home. It seems that they were making a connection between how we run our race here, with our life to come. I mean beyond salvation and just making it into those pearly gates, they connected our quality of discipleship here with our future life. The two are not two completely separate realities.

Aging Attitudes

I like Paul’s attitude when he wrote to the Philippians, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:14). But how do maintain this positive perspective throughout our lives? How do we keep engaged here and “press on” knowing this is but a mist?

For some of us, at this stage of life, there could be a sense of grief as we realize that some, or even maybe many, of our dreams will never be fulfilled. All of us come to that point when we have to acknowledge that some of the dreams of our youth will likely not happen. This can be rather painful.  Again denial is not a strategy at this point, so we have to address the elephant in the room. But even if we have processed this loss and are relatively emotionally healthy, we will likely have to deal with watching the next generation surpass us. Instead of being the smartest people in the room, we notice we are getting a bit slower and others are overtaking us. This is inevitable, but how do we deal with that? Do we try to hang on to the past or are we secure enough that we can pass on influence and authority to the next generation?

As we progress through the stages of life we can pretend we will stay young forever, but it is inevitable that this approach will eventually catch up with us. Even the great Apostle Paul wrestled with this in 2 Cor. 4. Yes, it is God’s power within us, but this does not mean we are not hard pressed on all sides and often feel perplexed and at times struck down. (2 Cor. 4:7-12). You can read the litany of his problems in his writings.

But Paul also wrote of another reality, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

As believers, we know that death is a mere transition from our life on this earth, to what will be our new reality. But this journey into the unknown happens to all of us only once, usually, and so there is no mulligan or dress rehearsal. We don’t get to practise first. It is a skill that we need to learn, which is why we may need a change of perspective and be proactive in assessing our situation and learning to adapt as we age. Of course, the adjustment is not always so easy, it can actually even be a bit frightening. Perhaps for the first time in our lives we may not feel in control of what is happening to us, as the changes keep coming.

Remember, Jesus’ words to Peter after he encourages him to keep on keeping on – to feed His sheep. Now, I know he was describing Peter’s death, but I think there is a wider application as we age. He says, “… when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” (John 21:18) Yup, the longer we live the more this will become a reality for each of us.

Grief and Loss

For some, recognizing they are entering this final stage of life, is triggered by a major crisis or traumatic events. As I mentioned, this is kind of what happened in my case. These crises or events usually confront us with the reality that we are in the final third of our lives. This can be really a challenge if we have not been incrementally dealing with the losses of life along the way. If we have been in denial by keeping busy with activities, friends, vacations, or even ministry, this can hit us like a ton of bricks. At some point we do have to deal with our issues or we will not finish our race with an attitude of grace and gratitude that Paul had. The danger is to get stuck and not be able to move forward to fulfill God’s purposes in our lives.

For others, they may only experience the need for minor readjustments as they run the last lap of their race. But regardless if it a traumatic experience, or gradual realization, it is an important during this season to reflect upon our lives, including any unwanted baggage we may have picked up along the way. Only then can we can move forward in a healthy way.

Over a lifetime, I realized that I had developed lots of strategies to deal with personal, organizational, and ministry issues, including setbacks and painful experiences, but I am not sure I was intentional enough in preparing for this last stage of my life. How about you? Have you been intentional in considering how you can finish this last leg of life? As we discuss some of the things I have learned in this process I am pretty sure that you will be able to identify with at least some of these lessons and be able to apply them in your life.

In his classic book, “Seasons of a Marriage,” Norman Wright explains that men seem to be more surprised by their mortality than women, almost as if life has played a dirty trick on them.  He goes on to say that some men even create an interesting illusion about life. They equate work success as a means of protecting themselves from the eventuality of death. In the chase to keep death at bay, many continue to avoid the reality of their own demise.  But in seeking success in whatever field, we discover that if we are avoiding this fundamental fear of death by just keeping busy, we will actually create greater tension for ourselves as we age.

Wright continues that, “in order to guard against this fear, many men just work harder, longer, faster, all in an effort to keep death at bay.” As we get closer to the end of our lives, how we view this transition will have a huge impact on how we run the race we have left. For those who throw themselves into their work or ministry in order to guard against the fear of no longer being relevant, there is the very real danger of blowing a gasket with the resulting physical and mental health outcomes.

In this series, we want to take some time to consider questions that will help us apply these principles in our  own lives. You may wish to pause the episode at that point or do so at the end of the episode. So let’s pause at this point and consider a couple application questions:

 What do you see in your life that indicate that you are facing a transitional stage in your journey?

What steps have you already taken to prepare for this?

Physical Realities

As we conclude this episode, let’s  look at two issues that may help us recognize that we are in the last third of our journey. The first of these are Physical and Mental realities and the second are some Relational Indicators.

If you are following along in the notes we are now on the top of page three, looking at Physical Realities. It’s a fact of life that at some point we realize that we cannot take our body for granted. Perhaps you can still remembers those days when you could pull a few all nighters to get work done, and then not miss a beat the next day. Well, if you are anything like me, those days are in the rear view mirror! If I try to do that now, I need a couple days to recover. Yah, it’s a bit humbling getting older, isn’t it?

I am not sure when it happened for you, but I can still remember when I began to notice the ol’ body just didn’t function the same as it used to. To keep it going takes a bit more care and attention, kind of like with an old vintage car. Until we get our resurrected bodies, this is just a part of our physical existence that is not much fun. But as Paul encouraged us, “Do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Cor. 4:16). Elsewhere he says that while we are in this tent we groan and are burdened, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling. (2 Cor. 5:1-10). The  reality is that we all will face this transition — from brown hair to gray hair, to no hair, to increasing belt and dress sizes, and perhaps even more serious health issues if we live long enough.

But in addition to the physical changes, it can be more concerning when we notice how aging begins to impact our mental capacity and memory. I remember the days when I used to be able to go down several rabbit trails in a message and always find my way back to the main point. However, I have now discovered  that now if I get too far off my track, I can get in trouble. It is likely I’ll get that faraway look in my eye, which is me thinking,  “Where in the world was I going with that!”

Now most of these new realities are not insurmountable, they happen to all of us and we take them in stride. But it would be a mistake to misjudge their accumulative impact on our capacity moving forward. To finish well adjustments will need to be made.

 So where are you at? Consider:

What physical realities have you begun to notice and have you accepted these? How have they impacted your ability to do what you once did?

What steps do you think you can you take in order to slow the aging process and maintain a level of health?

Relational Realities

Now another indicator that we have entered this latter stage of life are the relational changes that occur during this time. Typically, our children are now adults and this brings about different challenges. This can be particularly painful if grown children are no longer following  Jesus or are estranged from their parents.

It is also during this season that some couples decide to split up after 30 or 40 years together, which of course makes this time of life even more painful. The fact of the matter is that if we have not put the work in throughout the decades of our marriage, the relationship will likely run out of gas at this point. Once the kids are gone, and it is just you and your spouse again, one day you may look at that other person in the house and wonder, Who is that stranger? Though a challenge, it is not impossible to reconnect during this time. But it will take effort.

For others there is the pain of dealing with the “empty nest” of no children around. This can be somewhat mitigated by grandchildren, but it is a time of painful transition for some.  All this requires redefining our family lifestyle. It is true that before we had children we were a family unit, and though children were a happy and welcome addition to our family, once they are gone we as a couple are still a family unit.

It might be good to make a few comments here about grown adult children. I have observed many parents who carry the burden of children who are not following the Lord. This is a pain that never really goes away, does it? But it is not helpful or healthy for parents of estranged children to unnecessarily beat themselves up, wallowing in shame and guilt over children that have left the faith. I think some of this guilt begins with a faulty theology based on a wrong interpretation of several biblical passages.

You know we read, “Train up a child in the way he should go  and he will not depart when they are old.” (Prov. 22:6) thinking this is a proof text or guarantee. But it’s not, it’s a proverb, which by definition means that this is the way things normally go, but not a guarantee that things will always turn out sunshine and roses. God has given all of us, even our children, a free choice. Actually, love requires such a choice.

The fact of the matter is that many Christian parents, have done their best and trained up their child, and yet have  nonetheless watched their grown children renounce their faith, fall into addictions, or choose alternate lifestyles. The pain they experience into their old age can be all consuming and overwhelming. But I think it’s important to be reminded that we are responsible TO our grown children – to pray and provide unconditional love – but we are not responsible FOR them or their choices. They are responsible for the choices they make as adults and often for your own health you have to allow them to make their choices, just like you did. Depending on the situation, you may even need to create boundaries in your life for our own ongoing health and well being.

There are a range of books on this topic from basic parenting strategies, to dealing with difficult situations when adult children are dealing with addictions, unhealthy, or even dangerous behavior. But spoiler alert, each of these books is more about you as a parent changing and learning new healthy ways of dealing with our adult children. I’ve listed a books on the screen for you to look at.

Of course, much more could be said on this, but it is worth mentioning  that even the most perfect parent in the universe, God our Father, still has many wayward children. He did everything right and they have still chosen to reject his love. Actually, at one point we were there also. Love means giving someone the free will to make their own choices. While it may hurt deeply, you do not need to live under guilt and shame for the rest of your life. The “what if’s” and “could have’s”  are endless.  I would encourage you to accept God’s grace, we were not perfect. While we take ownership for how we may have contributed to their issues, we (and they) at some point acknowledge that we did our best.

You also may need to experience God’s grace if you have gone through the pain of the breakup of your marriage. Regardless if you decided to stay alone or enter a new relationship later in life, you will have a new set of challenges and issues to deal with. Sometimes this can be compounded as we age, but we will discuss this in greater depth in a later episode.

So as we wrap up this first episode, here are a couple more questions to consider:

What are you noticing about your relational and family situation during this season?

How is this affecting your health, your mental state, and your vision of your future moving forward?

In the next episode, we will  look at two typical scenarios we face at this stage of life, disillusionment or apathy. What are some of the first steps we can take to move towards finding new meaning and purpose in this transition? I hope you’ll join me as we discuss this next time.